WWE Royal Rumble 2018 Results

Sometimes it's silly to go away from the odds, apparently.

Asuka and Shinsuke Nakamura were the victors of their respective Royal Rumbles, which is nice enough, though ultimately a little too predictable for my taste. The Rumble matches were good, but the other matches were pretty disappointing in my opinion.

WWE Title Handicap Match: A.J. Styles (c) versus Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

More referee screwiness? We haven't had enough of that already? I get that they wanted to start the build for Styles/Nakamura right away, but after SmackDown this week, we know that there'll be a title shot at Fastlane between Styles and either Owens or Zayn. So there's still plenty of "unknown" heading into Wrestlemania season.

Would've been cool to see how they handled the co-champion idea, but again, predictability wins out.

My prediction: A.J. Styles via pinfall over Sami Zayn

Result: A.J. Styles via pinfall over Kevin Owens

SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable

This one was a shocker, for a number of reasons. First, the match wasn't all that great, which is surprising with the people involved. And second, I really did believe that the Usos would lose their tag titles after Jey's arrest for driving drunk.

Why even have this match if Benjamin and Gable lose here? It makes them look weak, and doesn't prop up the Usos at all. I think they would've been way better off pushing Bobby Roode's match from the pre-show to the main show and giving it some more time to breathe, and maybe dropping Luke Harper vs. Bo Dallas or something into the pre-show. Anything else would've been an improvement.

My prediction: Shelton Benjamin via pinfall over Jey Uso
Result: Uso #1 via pinfall over Shelton Benjamin

Men's Royal Rumble Match

Like I said, it was cool Nakamura won, even if it was pretty predictable. Honestly, I would've kind of liked to see what Philly did if Roman Reigns eliminated Nakamura to end the Rumble. But of course, that would've set up the Elimination Chamber as a match for the Universal title, and you know Brock Lesnar can't wrestle more than 8 times a year. You don't want to burn three of those matches by April.

Overall the match was pretty good, I thought they actually did a better job than they've done in years of capturing the old school style of people doing a lot of punching and struggling in corners, rather than the obnoxious "ABC enters the ring, does his finisher four times, everyone lays around the ring waiting for the next guy."

Hilariously, I find myself already imagining what we might see out of next year's Royal Rumble. I'm like an addict.

My predictions
Longest time in match: The Miz
Final four competitors: The Miz, Roman Reigns, John Cena, Rusev
Winner: John Cena

Results
Longest time in match: Finn Balor
Final four competitors: Roman Reigns, John Cena, Shinsuke Nakamura, Finn Balor
Winner: Shinsuke Nakamura

RAW Tag Team Championship Match - Seth Rollins and Jason Jordan (c) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro

Pretty predictable result, though I didn't expect Jordan to be basically a no-show. I'm interested to see how the RAW tag division evolves over the next couple months. It could go up, or it could go way down.

My prediction: Sheamus via pinfall over Rollins
Result: Sheamus via pinfall over Rollins

Universal Title Triple Threat Match: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kane

Really crappy match. Even the big spots weren't interesting or impressive. Completely predictable, and despite their intentions, it doesn't preserve Braun's strength. He's lost three different Universal title matches at this point. He deserves to be set aside for someone else.

My prediction: Brock Lesnar via pinfall over Kane
Result: Brock Lesnar via pinfall over Kane

Women's Royal Rumble Match

I gotta say, I was impressed by the women in this match. A few of the legends showed a little bit of age, but honestly, almost everybody looked to be in good shape and very capable of handling themselves. The eliminations weren't any more obvious than the men's match, which is all you can ask for.

Asuka is obviously very popular right now, and her winning makes plenty of sense. I loved her confrontation with Ember Moon; those two have fantastic chemistry, and there's so much character in the ring when they're facing off. I'm also glad that Ember got an Eclipse off before getting eliminated; non-NXT fans need to see that move.

My Predictions
Longest time in match: Sasha Banks
Final four competitors: Nikki Cross, Bayley, Becky Lynch, Nikki Bella
Winner: Becky Lynch

Results
Longest time in match: Sasha Banks
Final four competitors: Sasha Banks, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Asuka
Winner: Asuka

Afterword/Summary

The whole Rhonda Rousey moment didn't mean anything to me; I'm not a UFC fan, and star-power doesn't do much for me when it comes to wrestling. The word is that Rousey will be a full-time wrestler, but this was already an important event for the future of women's wrestling. I'm not sure you needed to double down after the women's Royal Rumble with Rousey.

Overall, I thought it was just an okay event. The two Rumble matches were very good, but the other matches were mostly garbage. It's a stark contrast to last year's Royal Rumble which had an incredible WWE Title match between John Cena and A.J. Styles, and a very, very good Universal Title match between Kevin Owens and Roman Reigns.

Ah well. Hopefully Elimination Chamber gives us some magic. See you then!

WWE Royal Rumble 2018 Predictions

Ahh, the Rumble. From the first time I ever saw it, it's been my favorite wrestling pay-per-view. The drama is fantastic, the matches are always full of action, and since like 1998, you get to hear 30 entrance songs in one match, which is basically the whole reason I watch wrestling in the first place.

After watching NXT Takeover Philadelphia tonight (which was fantastic as usual), I'm ready to make predictions for what will no doubt be a disappointment top-to-bottom in this year's WWE Royal Rumble. The Rumble match itself has a lot of possible stuff to predict, so I'll use some of the scoresheet categories from one of my favorite podcasts, What's Wrong With Wrestling.

Here we go!

RAW Tag Team Championship Match - Seth Rollins and Jason Jordan (c) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro

In-ring, these guys are all really accomplished performers. Sheamus is probably the weakest of the four, but even he can put on a good match, and the rest are exceptional entertainers in the ring. I'm looking forward to the match, even though the build-up has been ho-hum.

I'd be surprised if this match ended clean, but I think in order to set up Wrestlemania season, you need the tag team titles on a true "tag team." Maybe that happens later, but since I do expect Rollins and Jordan to lose the titles between now and March, I'll just predict it here.

My prediction: Sheamus via pinfall over Rollins

SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable

I think with the XFL's recent announcement and how Vince McMahon is selling it as a family-oriented product, and how the WWE has been PG-rated content for a while, the WWE is probably pretty pissed at Jey Uso for his DWI arrest. The most frequent punishment for misbehavior is to have the performer's on-air character get time off, but you can't do that if the Usos are tag team champions.

So, naturally, that means Benjamin and Gable ought to win this match. It's also like their tenth try at the titles, so for the love of god, let's get them the titles. It can also set up a really awkward backstage segment later in the night where Gable runs up to Jordan and says, "Dude, look! I won the tag titles!...oh...right...sorry dude..."

My prediction: Shelton Benjamin via pinfall over Jey Uso

Universal Title Triple Threat Match: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kane

I would looooove if they found a way to give Kane the Universal title here, but there's really just no chance of that. The most likely result is that Kane takes the fall for Lesnar, with the second-most-likely result being Strowman pinning Kane for the title. The chances of the WWE putting Kane over on either of the other two guys is infinitesimal.

I think Lesnar is most likely to retain the title through Wrestlemania, since it looks like their plan all year has been to set up Roman Reigns versus Brock Lesnar at Mania. It's possible there's some roundabout adjustments, where Lesnar loses to Strowman, then Strowman loses it to Lesnar or Reigns at Elimination Chamber, meaning you can still have Lesnar and Reigns fight for the title as the main event.

Still, most likely result is most likely.

My prediction: Brock Lesnar via pinfall over Kane

WWE Title Handicap Match: A.J. Styles (c) versus Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

What a weird match. The insanity of trying to figure out what would happen if Sami and Kevin win makes me wish that happens. If it happens, SmackDown will be a must-see event, which to me is a great reason to do that. But I think usually stuff like this is an indicator of some haphazard planning, with the knowledge that they'll just have the champion retain so they don't have to figure out what happens in the weird circumstance.

So I expect Styles to pull out the win.

My prediction: A.J. Styles via pinfall over Sami Zayn

Women's Royal Rumble Match

I expect it to not be nearly as good as a men's Royal Rumble, just based on the logistics of smaller people having more trouble going over the top rope with natural movement. So I think we'll get a lot of the women sort of noticeably "throwing themselves" over the top rope. Still, there are enough good workers that the actual in-ring competition should be fun.

The smart money is on Asuka, as it seems like everything is setting up for her to be in the premier women's match at Wrestlemania. But that's putting a lot of eggs into the basket of someone whose English is still unexceptional. I think the WWE is more interested in playing it safe here, and they'll go with one of the most reliable, well-liked, and talented women they've got under contract: Becky Lynch. Asuka can get screwed over by another competitor to set up her own rivalry moving forward.

Longest time in match: Sasha Banks
Final four competitors: Nikki Cross, Bayley, Becky Lynch, Nikki Bella
Winner: Becky Lynch

Men's Royal Rumble Match

The big mamma jamma, the main event, the Royal Rumble. I have such high hopes, as always; hopefully they're not misplaced.

I'd love to be surprised by something amazing like Chris Jericho winning the Rumble, but I don't think that's likely. The most likely result, again, is something that works to set up one of the two matches built up so far for Wrestlemania: Styles v. Nakamura or Reigns v. Lesnar. That means the two most likely victors are Nakamura and Reigns.

I go back and forth on it. Nakamura has certainly put in his time and his losses, losing his title matches against Jinder Mahal. But Reigns is just so obviously going to be in the main event once again at Wrestlemania, he's just an easy pick.

I'm gonna go off the board, since I can't pick between those two guys, and pick a guy who could win any match, any night: John Cena. You can definitely work him into any main event feud, he's as popular as he's ever been, and he's taken some lumps this year. He could use a lift, and if he eliminates Roman to win, he'll even get some more cheers than usual.

Longest time in match: The Miz
Final four competitors: The Miz, Roman Reigns, John Cena, Rusev
Winner: John Cena

Please, please, please be a good show.

WWE Clash of Champions 2017 Results

Results time!

Zack Ryder vs. Mojo Rawley

I didn't love the feel of this match, though the action was decent enough. My problem was there were too many points where I knew I was supposed to think that Mojo is some sort of monster, and he's just not. He's a pretty big guy who's obviously getting a push, but Zack Ryder is a former Intercontinental Champion. Ryder should be able to hang with anyone who isn't a true monster.

Anyways, Rawley with the win after a big punch.

My prediction: Rawley via pin
Result: Rawley via pin

United States Championship Match: Baron Corbin (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode

This was the match of the night in my book, and it wasn't really close. Ziggler is always brilliant, and Roode was good, but the story here to me was Corbin. His timing was really good, his moves were crisp, and the End of Days/Zig-Zag to finish the match was awesome. Who knows how long Ziggler will keep the title, but I was genuinely excited from start to finish.

My prediction: Corbin via pinfall on Ziggler
Result: Ziggler via pinfall on Corbin

Breezango vs. Bludgeon Brothers

Obvious squash is obvious.

My prediction: Bludgeon Brothers via pin
Result: Bludgeon Brothers via pin

Smackdown Women's Championship Lumberjack Match: Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Natalya

I guess this match was chaotic? Really it was just sloppy all around. The roving gangs of women outside the ring ended up mostly looking way too fake, and the only decent moments were the dives by Naomi and Charlotte.

The funniest/worst part was when Natalya gave a promo after the match and turned heel...from heel. Ridiculous.

My prediction: Flair wins via pinfall
Result: Flair wins via submission

SmackDown Tag Team Championship: The Usos (c) vs. The New Day vs. Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable vs. Rusev and Aiden English

This match was alright, though I thought it still wasn't as good as it could've been. The New Day and The Usos have had some great matches, and adding the insanely over Rusev along with dynamite athletes in Gable and Benjamin, I thought the match could really be something special. I guess there's a point at which you have too many cooks though.

Those German suplexes that Chad Gable did near the end of the match were amazing. The one on Aiden English looked like it killed him, and the one on Big E was thunderous. I'm sold on these guys, let's get them a real tag-team name and give them the belts.

My prediction: Benjamin via pinfall on Rusev (for the inevitable boos)
Result: Uso #1 via pinfall on Gable

Randy Orton and Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn (with special referees Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan)

I hate to say it, but Daniel Bryan kind of ruined this match. No, ruined is too strong a word, because it was still alright. But I'm of the opinion that it could've been a lot better if Bryan was a better actor. The finish was muddy, as it ought to have been. A little more story advancement would've been cool, but that hasn't been WWE's mentality with PPVs for years.

Which is dumb, because that's how WCW overtook them. Superstars helped, but every WCW PPV from 1996-1999 left you with a question of, "Holy shit, what's gonna happen on Nitro??" Blah.

My prediction: Nakamura via pinfall on Zayn
Result: Zayn via pinfall on Orton

WWE Championship Match: A.J. Styles (c) vs. Jinder Mahal

This was by far Jinder's best match in WWE, at least that I've seen. He was crisp, violent, and other than his trunks (flesh brown? really?), he looked like a wrestler. Part of that is that A.J. Styles pretty much only puts on great matches, but it was also better than their previous title match in Manchester.

The match was good and the result was right. Not a bad main event.

My prediction: Styles via submission
Result: Styles via submission

Summary

The women's title match was terrible. Natalya is sluggish and clumsy, and the lumberjack gimmick didn't make up for that at all. The new girls need polish, Lana needs practice, and Tamina and Carmella need to be put in better situations. The tag matches were fine, as was Mojo vs. Zack. Jinder and AJ was good, and the triple threat match was great. All together, it was probably about a C+ event.

I really think the WWE does a poor job of tying pay-per-views to what's coming next. If you think about the big PPV moments, they were at least as much about storyline twists as they were about impressive matches. That's how you keep people coming back, how you capture your audience's attention.

I keep wishing they'll change, and they keep not changing. Who's more foolish?

PS: One last thing I want to say is that Boston came to play at Clash of Champions. The building was electric, and that can make a huge difference in how the event plays on TV. Well done, Boston.

WWE Clash of Champions 2017 Predictions

I'm looking over this card, and I'm not sure if I'm less tuned-in to what's going on in the wrestling universe than I had been, or if this pay-per-view is just a mish-mash of nonsense. Based on my expectations of the WWE, I would guess it's the latter. Still, could be some okay action at least. Let's get started.

Zack Ryder vs. Mojo Rawley

I wonder if this would've seemed a cleaner storyline if Ryder hadn't gotten hurt. As it is, it feels kind of irrelevant, which is okay, and unexciting, which isn't. When a tag team breaks up violently, you want the split to generate some fun segments, surprising interferences, etc. This has been kind of a slapdash concoction that seems like it expects to get by just by following the standard formula.

I don't think this rivalry will go head-to-head for too much longer, so I expect this to be the culmination of the main storyline here. And I think Mojo wins that main storyline.

My prediction: Rawley via pin

Breezango vs. Bludgeon Brothers

I can't imagine how Breezango would win this fight. Maybe The Ascension interferes? Who knows. The smart pick is 2B, with for a tag title match at Royal Rumble.

My prediction: Bludgeon Brothers via pin

Smackdown Women's Championship Lumberjack Match: Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Natalya

I'm kind of getting the sense that something is going to happen with this championship and the RAW women's title that prompts the implementation of a first-ever women's Royal Rumble. The call-ups of Ruby Riot(t) et. al., the return of Paige, Carmella still having the Money in the Bank briefcase, and the generally open nature of the RAW title picture makes me think that chaos is coming.

For this particular match, I expect things to break down early and often, and the whole scene to conclude in absolute disaster. I could see Carmella cashing in and then getting screwed out of winning the title by Becky Lynch, and then the resolution of the whole deal being related to the Royal Rumble.

My prediction: Flair wins via pinfall

United States Championship Match: Baron Corbin (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode

I actually kind of have high hopes for this match. Corbin had a great match against The Miz at Survivor Series, which I didn't expect at all from either of those two. Bobby Roode is tremendous in the ring, and Ziggler might be even better. If these guys all meet their potential, this could be a match-of-the-year possibility.

As far as what to expect? It seems like Ziggler is kind of an afterthought these days, so it'd be really shocking to put the belt on him. I get the impression that after dropping the briefcase, Corbin is still slotted for a long-ish run as US champion. Ziggler is probably in the match to take a fall, so I think Corbin will get the drop on Ziggler.

My prediction: Corbin via pinfall on Ziggler

Randy Orton and Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn (with special referees Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan)

This match kind of feels similar to the women's championship match, where a lot of folks are in one place and nothing will get resolved by this. Nakamura put over Jinder a couple times, and I think he's on track for a big match versus A.J. Styles at the Rumble, or more likely Wrestlemania. That means he needs some noteworthy wins, and I think this is one of them.

More than a winner or loser, I'm interested to see the ending of match. Hopefully the culmination is something interesting, something that sets things off for "Wrestlemania season."

My prediction: Nakamura via pinfall on Zayn

SmackDown Tag Team Championship: The Usos (c) vs. The New Day vs. Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable vs. Rusev and Aiden English

Hmm.

So, this is a match where I could see a lot of different things happening, and that's good. But when I think more about it, I think the answer becomes a little clearer.

Rusev is over as hell right now with his whole Rusev Day gimmick, so he doesn't really need a win, and obviously neither does Aiden English.

The New Day has done most of what they can with the titles, at least for the time being. I think the WWE would be better off mixing them up some more. All three of those guys put on exceptional matches.

So it's down to The Usos retaining or Benjamin and Gable winning. Either team should theoretically get run over by Harper and Rowen down the line, but I saw the Natural Disasters lose multiple times to Money Inc., so not everything is "monsters win."

If Jason Jordan was still with Gable, I'd lean on the Usos, but I think Shelton Benjamin brings the clout of the team up a notch, and a notch is all it will take. Plus remember how awesome Team Angle was? Maybe we can get some of that flavor back, with these two looking primed to turn heel any day now.

My prediction: Benjamin via pinfall on Rusev (for the inevitable boos)

WWE Championship Match: A.J. Styles (c) vs. Jinder Mahal

This seems like too easy an answer, right? The easy answer is for the Singh Brothers to pretend to be allied with Styles, side with Jinder again, but still come up short. Styles is a great guy to have as champion because you have a really great shot at a great main event for each of your pay-per-views.

I think this formula is simple enough even the WWE will understand it. This is a company that generally knows how to put a great champion on top. Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, Stone Cold, Triple H, Kurt Angle, The Rock, Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, CM Punk, John Cena, Brock Lesnar, these are all guys who can tell a story in the ring, and most of them are excellent, impressive wrestlers. Styles fits the bill there as well.

So, like I said, I'm going with Styles retaining.

My prediction: Styles via submission

The last SmackDown-only PPV was Hell in a Cell, which I really enjoyed. So the bar is high, hopefully they meet it. See you next week for a recap!

Survivor Series

Hey everyone, sorry about not getting predictions or recaps up for Survivor Series. I was fighting a miserable cold and honestly it completely just slipped my mind. We'll get back on the wagon for Clash of Champions.

WWE TLC 2017 Results

So obviously there was a big change-up in two of the matches at TLC, inserting AJ Styles and Kurt Angle for Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns, respectively. I had a really shitty and busy weekend, and I gave it some thought and decided I wouldn't change my prediction based on the changes anyways, so I didn't post any updates.

Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox (Pre-Show)

My prediction: Fox via pin
Result: Banks via submission

Not that I care a whole lot, but I still think this was a waste of a match. You don't need to add a random win over Alicia Fox to convince me that Sasha Banks is really good. A six-day feud is just unnecessary.

Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann vs. The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher

My prediction: Kendrick and Gallagher
Result: Alexander and Swann via pin

This match was fine. I picked it incorrectly, but again, my level of caring was just zero. Another situation where a manager would do a ton to give us some story substance. I think the biggest problem with 205 Live is that it gives potential managers a lot of space to go not be managers. And the WWE could really use some managers.

Emma vs. Asuka

My prediction: Asuka via submission
Result: Asuka via submission

Duh.

Raw Women's Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Mickie James

My prediction: Alexa Bliss via pin
Result: Alexa Bliss via pin

I love how Alexa manages to win these matches basically "clean," but always with some kind of tainting that makes you remember she's a heel. This time it was a fakeout begging off that let her lure Mickie into a turnbuckle smash and her finisher DDT. She's one of the best-booked heels in the company right now.

Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kalisto (c) vs. Enzo Amore

My prediction: Amore via pin
Result: Amore via pin

Kind of an old school "dirty" win for the heel, a thumb to the eye while the ref wasn't looking and then a finisher for the 1-2-3. I'm okay with it. Not sure what the cruiserweight division has to offer going forward, but they stand a better chance of being interesting with Enzo than with Kalisto as the champ.

WTF Match: Finn Balor/The Demon King vs. Bray Wyatt/Sister Abigail A.J. Styles

My prediction: Pain...and I guess Balor via pin
Result: Balor via pin

Look, maybe Wyatt would have won against Balor according to the original script. But there's no way they were going to book Styles with no buildup as being the first person to beat "The Demon King" version of Finn Balor.

Styles and Balor put on a pretty decent albeit very vanilla match. Would've liked to see more substance to it, but I understand that a guy flying across the globe and jumping in at the last second is probably not ready to give a match-of-the-year performance.

Only thing I'd add is that, in how the match played out, it felt like a waste of one of those first-ever "dream matches." Oh well.

The Shield (minus Reigns, plus Kurt Angle) vs. The Miz, Sheamus, Cesaro, Braun Strowman, and Kane

My prediction: The Shield via pin
Result: The Shield via pin

Adding Kurt Angle at the last minute didn't make the match less of a mess, that's for sure. I'd be interested to know how the match was originally booked, but my guess is that Angle filled Reigns' role pretty much to the letter. It seems like a situation where they would've sent Roman out via some big bump, had him return mid-match, just to continue conditioning people to cheer when they hear Roman's music.

The pop for Angle's music was definitely bigger than Reigns' would have been, though. And look, it was great to see Kurt in the ring again. He's so charismatic, so entertaining, and obviously still can get around pretty well. If that's his last ever match, he did it well.

Overall: 5/7 (71% correct)

As I said, I had a shitty weekend. My dog had surgery on Friday, and we really don't know if it was truly successful, or how long he has. So my head wasn't really in the PPV, and I can't say for sure how I felt about it. Probably I'll never be able to look at it objectively, because of all the emotions I've got associated with it now.

But in my current mentality, it was okay. I didn't like that we had so little in the way of story advancement, with all of the big players confined to 1.5 matches (and Lesnar obviously not on the show, because reasons). The matches were okay. And the main event, while a train wreck, was moderately entertaining. Good to see that Kane still can acquit himself pretty well in the ring. That guy's an all-time great.

Here's hoping Survivor Series gives us more story to work with (doubtful), and that my dog makes a full recovery. If I have to choose between them, though, Survivor Series can suck an egg.

Hang in there Franklin.

WWE TLC 2017 Predictions

In looking over this card, I'm having some regrets about starting up this whole "do a prediction blog for each PPV" policy. TLC looks to be a really, really, really bad pay-per-view.

The Universal, Intercontinental, and Raw Tag Team titles are all not being defended, which dramatically reduces the amount of excitement surrounding the card. When that happens, the other matches have to pick up the slack; Wyatt/Balor V and a 5-on-3 meaningless main event do not pick up said slack.

This is a pay-per-view that really would've benefited from a random Brock Lesnar title defense, but we don't even get that. This is gonna be bad.

Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox (Pre-Show)

I can't really bring myself to care about this match. I think Fox wins dirty, under the assumption that they hope this to be just the beginning of a feud. Also because heels always win the pre-show matches.

My prediction: Fox via pin

Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann vs. The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher

I have to admit, I'm completely out of the loop when it comes to the cruiserweight feuds outside of the stuff that gets pushed on Raw. I like Jack Gallagher as a heel, and Kendrick has always been a really skilled performer. Swann and Alexander can put on decent matches too.

When in doubt on a Raw PPV, pick the heels.

My prediction: Kendrick and Gallagher

Emma vs. Asuka

With great writing and incredible work, Emma could win this match and keep the Asuka hype train moving, but the great writing doesn't exist in the current WWE. There's a non-zero chance they try it anyways, but my money is on the easy story here.

My prediction: Asuka via submission

Raw Women's Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Mickie James

Hard to say what's going to happen here. Initially I thought this was just a filler feud to set up for Bliss vs. Asuka, but the buildup has been effective at convincing me Mickie has a shot. Of course, now that I've become aware that the buildup is what's convincing me that Mickie has a shot, I'm back to my original viewpoint.

Yeah. Yeah that makes the most sense.

My prediction: Alexa Bliss via pin

Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kalisto (c) vs. Enzo Amore

As an aside, if Neville doesn't return to the WWE, it'll be another blow to an already unexciting cruiserweight division. It's a shame because the talent is there for a really exceptional division to exist, between Neville and Austin Aries, Akira Tozawa, Gallagher, Kendrick, and yes Enzo.

I remember being excited about cruiserweight matches back in the late 90s in WCW, with guys like Chris Jericho, Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio Jr., etc. There's no reason you couldn't hit that same height when you're the only game in town.

Alright, back to this match. I feel like Enzo is likely to reclaim the title, no doubt through nefarious means. Maybe he puts together a small stable of heels who he "pays" to ensure his victory. Or maybe he wins on his own with something like his victory over Neville. Something predictable but useful.

My prediction: Amore via pin

WTF Match: Finn Balor/The Demon King vs. Bray Wyatt/Sister Abigail

I'm so pissed off at this "feud." I don't know why they dislike each other, I don't know what the premise is supposed to be with these alter-egos, I don't know why the one question left for Bray Wyatt would be answered with "it's just me in a dress." It feels like they didn't know what to do with Balor or Wyatt, so they just threw some terrible Hollywood director at the feud and figured it would get worked out.

Oh, which is exactly what happened with Wyatt and Orton earlier this year, with that bizarre projected bug ring at Wrestlemania and then the terrible House of Horrors match. I'm horrified to say it, but I wonder if Wyatt has some input on these miserable storylines.

Or maybe the deal was, "Okay, we'll let you win the title at Elimination Chamber, but then you have to let my idiot nephew Todd write all your stories the rest of the year." And Bray says, "Sure, how bad could they be?"

Oh Bray.

My prediction: Pain...and I guess Balor via pin

The Shield vs. The Miz, Sheamus, Cesaro, Braun Strowman, and Kane

Speaking of WTF. Why would you throw these five people together, and ignore the fact that The Miz already had a stable? Why would you book a 5-versus-3 match? Why did Kane come back? Why does TLC have the IC and Tag title holders in a non-title quasi-handicap match with random other folks?

WHAT THE F.

I think this match will be effectively a "no contest" in the end. This whole deal smacks of outside interference (Bo Dallas? Curtis Axel?), surprise returns (Samoa Joe? The Undertaker?), turns (Kane? Reigns?), and utter nonsense (everything WWE). But the WWE doesn't go with the "sports entertainment finish" these days, so I'll say that at the end, The Shield gets the victory, as they have three main-event-caliber wrestlers, and their opponents have 1.5 (Braun and sort of The Miz).

My prediction: The Shield via pin

My expectations were high for Hell In A Cell, and they were met and exceeded. My expectations for TLC are ridiculously low. I'm worried that they might not even be met.

I guess you never know.

WWE Hell in a Cell 2017 Results

For as ho-hum as No Mercy was, Hell in a Cell was actually a really, really good pay-per-view. While we still didn't get a ton in the way of story advancement, stuff did happen, and most of the matches were really entertaining. I'd say it was the best event the WWE has put on all year.

And that's not just because I had a lot of correct predictions.  :)

Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin vs. The Hype Bros

My prediction: Gable and Benjamin via pin
Result: Gable and Benjamin via pin

Decent match, though nothing really happened. But that's what you usually get on the pre-show. I will say that Gable and Benjamin are starting to show some more chemistry, which I do appreciate. I wish they had an actual tag team name, but if they're entertaining I can get over it (see: Sheamus and Cesaro).

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

My prediction: Orton via RKOOUTTANOWHERE
Result: Orton via RKOOUTTANOWHERE

God, they gotta do something with Rusev. He's just so entertaining, such a great heel even during the match. His whole style, his crowd interactions, everything screams that he should have gotten the push that Jinder Mahal got. Frustrating.

Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match in Hell in a Cell: The New Day (c) vs. The Usos

My prediction: The Usos via pin
Result: The Usos via pin

This match was phenomenal. They had a bunch of great spots, the workers are great, they were creative and explosive. Hopefully this opens up The New Day for some singles competition as well, as it feels like a waste to have three great workers condensed into a single match every month.

Smackdown Women's Championship: Natalya (c) vs. Charlotte

My prediction: Charlotte via submission
Result: Charlotte via disqualification

I don't find Natalya all that entertaining to watch, and this match wasn't any exception. It wasn't a bad match or anything, just didn't feel like it had the excitement of a title match. That it ended in a DQ was fine with me; extending the strife between these two is okay, and you want Charlotte to stay strong. She doesn't need to take a loss to Natty, even a clean one.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode

My prediction: Ziggler via pin (dirty)
Result: Roode via pin

My first incorrect winner, but I'm okay with it. It set off a continuation of the feud, which is fine with these two accomplished workers. I also absolutely loved Ziggler's 80s heel entrance. I was just thinking that a no-music entrance would be a cool throwback, and while he wasn't the wrestler who came to mind, Ziggler ran with it perfectly.

I mean, of course he did. He's Dolph freakin' Ziggler.

United States Title Match: A.J. Styles (c) vs. Baron Corbin (vs. Tye Dillinger)

My prediction: Corbin via pin
Result: Corbin via pin

This was actually a really well-crafted match. During the pre-show, Dillinger chatted his way into the match after showing he beat Corbin on Smackdown, adding some last-minute excitement. Then for the finish, Styles hit his finisher on Dillinger but Corbin shoved him off and stole the pinfall. It worked out well for everyone.

And now that Styles lost his rematch on Smackdown, he can get out of the U.S. Title picture and into the WWE championship scene.

WWE Championship Match: Jinder Mahal (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

My prediction: Nakamura via pin
Result: Mahal via pin

Mahal was about a C- in this match, which is considerably better than he's been in all of his other matches. It still wasn't good, but it was a bit better than usual. They probably could've afforded to drag out the ending a little more; if the Kinshasa is supposed to be a true finisher, an extra four seconds for Charles Robinson to get back in the ring shouldn't be the difference between a pin or a fail.

Anywho, overall the match was fine, probably bottom three on the night though, which isn't what you want out of your premier title. Hopefully something good is coming.

Hell in a Cell Match: Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

My prediction: Owens via pin
Result: Owens via pin

Remember how I said my expectations were high for this match? Well, consider them met. Owens is such a great, animated competitor, his matches always seem to have so much meaning for his character.

The whole sequence where he sets Shane up on the table and tries to psyche himself up to jump off the cell onto him was just brilliant. Then when Shane climbed the cage and they executed a bunch of moves on top of the cell, even though they were on the same section and you knew it wouldn't break, there was always the worry that something would go horribly wrong. It was well-executed drama.

Then, finally, FINALLY, they had a PPV match end with some questions about what's going to happen next. The insertion of Sami Zayn to save Owens and then plop him on top of Shane for the win was a great way to refresh Sami's character and generate buzz for Smackdown.

Overall: 6/8 (75% correct)

Even though this PPV was fairly predictable (and really any non-mark should've gotten Roode and Mahal correct), it was immensely entertaining. Great matches, good story progression, good setups for future feuds, it was all there. It's no coincidence that the better brand seems to be the one with Kevin Owens on it. The man is just incredible at his job. And A.J. Styles is probably the best in-ring wrestler in the company.

RAW has The Shield again. So...I guess that's cool.

Good luck at TLC.

WWE Hell in a Cell 2017 Predictions

EDIT: I completely forgot Corbin/Styles when I wrote this initially. Added it below.

First off, I think Hell in a Cell is a terrible name for a pay-per-view. I don't think the match stands out as so different from a regular steel cage match that you need to name the event for it (unlike Royal Rumble or Elimination Chamber), and now that we're into having more than one Hell in a Cell matches in a given card, it's not even describing the main event.

Also, in general, I'm not really into the death-defying leaps that typically "make" a Hell in a Cell match, so I could really just do without the match type altogether.

But, this is what we've got, so this is what we'll predict.

Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin vs. The Hype Bros

The problem with this is that it's most likely just incredibly predictable. I assume that the Hype Bros will lose, probably as a result of some mistake Mojo Rawley makes, and that Zack Ryder will turn heel on him, and ho hum boring next match please.

In a perfect world, the Hype Bros would actually win the match as a result of Gable turning on Shelton Benjamin for the sole reason of, "You're not Jason Jordan, you could never be Jason Jordan! I AM THE AMERICAN ALPHA!" That'd be cool, and it would preserve one of a short list of tag teams that have joint names.

But, I can't predict that. I predict disappointment.

Winner: Gable and Benjamin via pin

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

You can't convince me that Randy Orton was willing to do the job to Jinder Mahal three times in a row without some guarantees that he was going to win at least his next couple feuds. This is one of those feuds. Rusev is the guy who should have gotten Jinder's push, but alas, he's from Bulgaria and Jinder is from India. It's a numbers game...because apparently according to the WWE writing staff, good characters and storylines are less likely to sell the Network than "Hey that guy is from where I'm from!"

Lame.

Winner: Orton via RKOOUTTANOWHERE

Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match in Hell in a Cell: The New Day (c) vs. The Usos

It's been a pretty good feud, and their matches have actually been really, really good. But all good things must come to an end, so this match has to end in a way that sets up the future for the tag team titles. That means the heels have to win.

The only other tag teams that even exist on Smackdown are all faces, at least currently. You've got The Hype Bros (who I expect to not exist after this PPV), Gable and Benjamin (the likely next opponent for The Usos), and Breezango (an outside shot at the next title feud, or more likely to feud with whomever has been destroying their locker room/office, probably NXT's Authors of Pain). Regardless of who's next, they're all faces, which means the heels have to have the titles.

Or you put The Ascension into a tag team title feud. It would be funny to watch The New Day make fun of them for a month, but that'd be a short ass feud, and you'd be back to square one in a month.

Winner: The Usos via pin

Smackdown Women's Championship: Natalya (c) vs. Charlotte

Initially I went into a diatribe about the problems I have with the women's division in WWE, but it got way out of hand. Maybe an article for another time.

I think Charlotte should be the champion, but that would translate to an awfully short title reign for Natalya. Is it possible this is the first of two or three matches, culminating in a Charlotte victory? Perhaps. But I know Charlotte should win the title, so I'm not going to pick against that happening ASAP.

Winner: Charlotte via submission

Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode

I go back and forth here. Ziggler really deserves to win a feud here one of these days. He's charismatic, an incredible performer, and he's put over plenty of guys of late. But on the other side of the coin, bringing up Bobby Roode from NXT (where he was absolutely electric) to have him lose his first pay-per-view match seems an odd choice.

In the end, I think Roode as a face can survive a loss, especially some heel-ish loss like a foreign object. Ziggler coming to the ring as The Mountie with the shock stick would be hilarious and give them an easy weapon to use. Heck, maybe he could even get Jimmy Hart to manage him in a one-off.

Winner: Ziggler via pin (dirty)

United States Title Match: A.J. Styles (c) vs. Baron Corbin

I think we're supposed to think of this as a match that Styles should win because he's a better wrestler. He is a better wrestler, but that's why he should lose it. Get him out of the US title picture and into the WWE title picture.

One of the hallmark moments of the Money in the Bank match this year was the staredown between Nakamura and Styles. As you'll read below, I think Nakamura will win the WWE title on Sunday, and there's no reason to wait for Nakamura/Styles. Set it up for Survivor Series. They could probably do a 3-4 match run all the way up to Wrestlemania, and we'd eat it up. Do it.

I'll mention just for posterity that Baron Corbin is Styles' opponent.

Winner: Corbin via pin

WWE Championship Match: Jinder Mahal (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Lord in heaven.

I gotta tell you, I find Jinder Mahal incredibly boring to watch wrestle. He's stiff in a bad way, strong in a bad way, and he can't sell. Shinsuke is basically the opposite on all counts. I would be delighted to watch Nakamura take down Mahal and win the title on Sunday, but I just can't figure out a reason why you wouldn't have that happen at SummerSlam if you wanted it to happen.

Oh wait. The WWE thinks they're smarter than anyone else. I'm sure some idiot in a meeting somewhere said, "Let's not waste Nakamura winning the title at SummerSlam, where we're already gonna have Seth and Dean win. Let's save it for Hell in a Cell.

It's stupid, and I 100% believe it's what's going to happen.

Winner: Nakamura via pin

Hell in a Cell Match: Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

I have to admit, my expectations are high for this match. As I said before, I'm not a big fan of the whole high spot style, and Hell in a Cell is purely a high spot style match. But Owens and Shane are so good at executing a story in the ring, so good at putting on a great match, just so good at wrestling that I'm expecting a really fun, really brutal, really exciting match.

I'm also not certain how the story advances from here. Obviously this will not be the end of the saga, so the match could go either way. I've heard theories that Triple H will interfere on one side or the other, or the Undertaker, or Sami Zayn, or Daniel Bryan, or one of the other McMahons (Vince or Stephanie, Linda obviously is busy being part of Donald Trump's cabinet).

In the end, my general policy is to pick the guy who benefits most from going over, so I'm going with Owens. You don't want Owens to lose clean to Shane, so if he does end up losing, it has to be with some kind of interference. If Shane wins clean, it'll just be another sign that WWE is clueless on what to do with KO, when he could be the next Triple H. Seriously, he's that good.

Winner: Owens via pin

WWE No Mercy 2017 Results

No Mercy was alright. It reminded me of some of the old WWF Raw episodes, where you knew nothing was going to happen, but you got some fake-out title matches, and one or two "main event" level matches that you'd never seen.

It didn't elevate the level of recent PPV shows, though, not by a long shot. The two "Wrestlemania level matches" didn't even remotely live up to the hype. And there weren't any surprising undercard matches that made up for them.

Anyways, here's how it went, and how my predictions shaped up.

Pre-Show Match: Apollo Crews vs. Elias

My prediction: Apollo Crews via pin

Result: Elias via pin

Ah well, it's really not a match of much relevance. Maybe they build a mini-feud off of this, with Titus O'Neil getting back in the ring to fight Elias down the road. And maybe not. No one will care.

Cruiserweight Championship Match: Neville (C) vs. Enzo Amore

My prediction: Neville via submission
Result: Enzo via pin

I'm 0/2 so far. But in looking at the results for this one the day after, it works okay for me. The WWE needs 205 Live to have some more mustard, and Enzo is still pretty over. You can probably get 2-3 more matches out of these two, and then mix in a few other cruiserweights to finally establish your "main event" tier for the show.

Probably it won't work, but Enzo winning is a decent way to try to add some flavor. Of course, I think you could've gotten more out of Austin Aries if you'd given him the title in one of his forty-five matches, but hey, that's just me.

Enzo cheating to win is good going forward, though. Because you don't believe he could win fair. But if he cheats his ass off, who knows?

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt

My prediction: Finn Balor via pin
Result: Finn Balor via pin

Hey, finally got one right. Of course, this match was perhaps the most insanely predictable 15 minutes of my life. Every single moment, it felt like you knew exactly what was going to happen next. You know who gets excited for that? Nobody.

Balor won, hopefully they let Wyatt sit for a while to figure out what to do with him next. Honestly, it wouldn't be terrible to just leave him off TV until January, and then have him come out as a modest surprise at the Royal Rumble.

Intercontinental Title Match: The Miz (C) vs. Jason Jordan

My prediction: Jason Jordan via DQ
Result: The Miz via pin

So I got the interference right, just not the final result. I thought this was actually a pretty good match; The Miz and Jordan actually had some decent in-ring chemistry, and both performed solidly (although I still think The Miz is just way too slow).

But the result made everything feel stupid. Much like the Singh Brothers' boring interference in Jinder Mahal's match against Shinsuke Nakamura at SummerSlam, this felt like the kind of result you would get on Raw, not on show you have to pay to watch.

Oh, and whoever decided that Renee Young should jump in the ring and interview Jordan right after the match should be fired. And banned from wrestling. And get Bonzai Dropped by the ghost of Yokozuna.

RAW Tag Team Championship Match: Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose (C) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro

My prediction: Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose via pin
Result: Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose via pin

Another highly predictable match, I think the WWE did us a disservice in this match though. Sheamus and Cesaro pulled off a number of heavily impactful moves, culminating with Sheamus hitting White Noise on Ambrose, followed by Cesaro POWER-BOMBING ROLLINS FROM THE TOP ROPE ONTO AMBROSE. And Ambrose kicked out.

No. No that's stupid. That's a move to end a match. Having someone kick out of that puts literally the whole show on blast, because it highlights how everything is scripted. "Great move, but it wasn't a finisher, so the guy kicks out." For a company that's all too happy to have matches end in schoolboy roll-up pins, they have a ridiculous aversion to acknowledging the impact of non-finisher moves.

Also Cesaro knocked out a couple teeth on the ring post. Crazy.

RAW Women's Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley (vs. Emma)

My prediction: Alexa Bliss via pin
Result: Alexa Bliss via pin

Alright, now we're hitting stride, two in a row. Emma did fairly well in the match, a reminder that most women wrestlers these days actually can wrestle. The other competitors were fine, though overall unexceptional. Nia Jax is so obviously on a different planet from the other girls as far as size, but they did an alright job of using that effectively, by forcing the other women to team up to fight her. The four-person power-bomb of Nia onto the floor was a pretty good moment.

The finish was again very Raw-worthy, with Alexa sneaking a DDT on Bayley and getting a quick pin to retain. A fine match, if not a highlight.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

My prediction: Roman Reigns via pin
Result: Roman Reigns via pin

Really, really bad match. Things started slow as hell right from the get-go, with even the first few punches of the match taking 5-10 seconds each to "recover from" before advancing to the next move...usually another punch. I don't know if someone wasn't feeling well or something, but the whole match was incredibly slow.

The spot of Reigns spearing Cena onto the announce table was alright, but I liked it better when it was Reigns spearing the Undertaker. Some creativity people, jeez.

Reigns wins in utterly boring fashion: Kickout, Spear, Pin, Repeat. And you wonder why people boo this guy.

Universal Championship Match: Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Braun Strowman

My prediction: Brock Lesnar via pin

Result: Brock Lesnar via pin

Look, it was fine. For a standard match between two big guys, it was fine. But after SummerSlam, the excitement for Lesnar and Strowman to put on a great brawl was palpable, and they fell flat. Almost the entire match took place inside the ring, there was no real noticeably "violent" moments, and the two guys altogether did like six different moves.

If Braun's loss brings about some interesting changes for his character, maybe trying to coexist with a manager or some backup, that could be useful. But right now, he just came out looking like he could never beat Brock, so he might as well go home.

Overall: 5/8 (62.5%) Correct

No Mercy was kind of a nothing pay-per-view, but that's been the case for most of the non-big-four shows for a couple years now. Zero run-ins, one match with interference, one other match with some explicit cheating. One big spot, the power-bomb in the tag match, but the fact that it didn't win the match sapped that momentary excitement.

I get that not every PPV can be a winner. I even get that it's important for there to be less exciting PPVs, so that the good ones stand out even more. But when you're asking for money for these shows, and when you're adding an extra 6-8 PPVs every year with the brand split, and when you're talking about either increasing the price of the WWE Network or creating a second tier, you've got to deliver.

Still waiting.

WWE No Mercy 2017 Predictions

I'm trying a new thing. One of a short list of items that I try to keep up with is the WWE. While I haven't sat down and watched an episode of RAW or Smackdown in years (like, fifteen years maybe), I keep myself tuned in through various websites and a very entertaining recap show podcast, What's Wrong with Wrestling.

I also have a subscription to the WWE Network, and while most of my viewing is of classic wrestling content, the fact that the account provides live access to all current pay-per-views makes it very easy to keep up with the "big events." I've watched each of the PPV shows this year (though almost always on a delay; I normally work Sunday nights), and have enjoyed making my own predictions and seeing how they pan out.

So, because it's fairly easy writing and I've been hurting for content, the goal is to start making predictions for each WWE pay-per-view event, starting with No Mercy.

Here we go.

Pre-Show Match: Apollo Crews vs. Elias

While this match obviously doesn't have the backstory that a lot of the other ones do, I think it could actually be an entertaining battle. Crews is incredibly gifted in the ring, and Titus Worldwide is at least a stable, one of 2.5 in the company along with The Miztourage and whatever association Jinder Mahal and the Singh Brothers might call themselves.

I think it'll be a 10-12 minute match, with Crews picking up the victory. I'd hope against hope that something interesting happens, but that'd just be foolish.

Winner: Apollo Crews via pin

Cruiserweight Championship Match: Neville (C) vs. Enzo Amore

Neville is one of the more entertaining wrestlers in the company. He's agile and violent, and he's a really effective heel right now. Enzo, meanwhile, has spent the past three months getting the shit kicked out of him by various big guys, with a few random 205 Live wins sprinkled in.

The problem here is that Enzo's strongest skill is his ability to take a massive bump and look like he just got murdered. Braun tossing him around, Big Cass smashing in his face, these worked. Against Neville, he's not going to be able to sell that. So does he win?

I don't think so. I believe that Neville being champion is the only thing that lends legitimacy to the cruiserweight division right now. He was able to elevate Akira Tozawa into at least a watchable star, and the WWE needs him to stay as a brutal heel champion to pull a few more 205 stars up to his level. Enzo can be entertaining in a loss; that's been basically his entire career.

Winner: Neville via submission

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt

Oh, god, why?

Look, they're both solid workers, and they put on a decent match. But Bray Wyatt needs to be off TV for like, four months. He needs to lose this match and then disappear to "find his smile." And by that I mean he needs to go reacquire a Family. A cult leader without any cult is just a guy shouting at the moon.

There are so many cool things you can do with Wyatt and a stable, but they won't happen here. So just let Balor win, and get ready for his brief jump up to the main event where he'll get annihilated by the big hogs.

Winner: Finn Balor via pin

Intercontinental Title Match: The Miz (C) vs. Jason Jordan

Jordan is a terrible singles wrestler. He had some chemistry with Chad Gable as a tag team, and he's pretty good in the ring. But on his own, when he has to use his own words to generate pops, he's utterly incapable. It takes a special kind of awkward to transcend Roman Reigns in terms of failed promos, and Jordan does it every week he opens his mouth.

Given all that...I expect Jordan to win the match. Shenanigans, probably. My pick is a straight DQ finish where The Miz retains, but it's entirely possible that some failed interference attempt by Bo Dallas or Curtis Axel could cost Miz the match and the title. But it seems wasteful to build up to this match for two months and have Jordan NOT win, even if he doesn't grab the belt.

Winner: Jason Jordan via DQ

RAW Tag Team Championship Match: Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose (C) vs. Sheamus & Cesaro

Phew, those tag team names are a handful. I miss the days of the Headshrinkers and Demolition and Strike Force and The Rockers. I guess we still have some of that over on Smackdown, with The New Day, The Usos, The Hype Bros, and Breezango.

Anyways.

I really enjoy Sheamus and Cesaro, honestly. I wouldn't mind seeing them get the titles back. They're 'tweener enough that they can feud with anybody, and big enough assholes that they can get heat in any matchup. They kind of remind me of the Acolytes, actually.

But everything with Rollins and Ambrose since SummerSlam has been chaos. Three-way tags, eight-man tags, it's been just silliness. I don't see them losing their first title defense to the same guys from whom they won the belts.

Winner: Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose via pin

RAW Women's Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley (vs. Emma)

First off, let's set aside Emma. She's just there to take a few bumps and then take the eventual fall in the match...I hope.

Even without considering the fifth member of the match, I still think it's a tough nut to crack. There are reasons and ways to have each of the other four competitors win and have it make sense. Sasha could win, eliminating the question of why she never got a one-on-one rematch with Alexa Bliss. Nia could definitely win, as we all sort of expect her to win the title at some point. Bayley could win by screwing over Sasha a little bit, beginning the simmer on a feud that culminates in a Wrestlemania match.

But in all circumstances, the most likely result of a championship match is that the champion retains. Especially because it's a big match, with the potential for a complicated series of twists and turns that set up the women's division for the next couple months, I don't think you need a title change on top of that. Title changes should matter, and in this situation, you just don't need it.

Plus Alexa looks so sexy with that belt. Never ever take it away from her.

Winner: Alexa Bliss via pin

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

The promos between Cena and Reigns have been must-see TV, though at times they were a bit too real for me. I don't want to see behind the curtain most of the time, at least not on the show itself. Still, they were plenty entertaining, and reminded us why we all enjoyed John Cena for a long time.

There's a lot of talk about how this match can set up XYZ at Survivor Series, or the Royal Rumble, or Wrestlemania, and that Cena winning is the best way to do that. I disagree.

Since defeating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, here are Reigns' PPV appearances:

• He lost via pin to Strowman at Payback.
• He lost a five-way match to Samoa Joe at Extreme Rules.
• He lost an ambulance match to Strowman at Great Balls of Fire.
• And he lost a fatal four-way for the Universal Title to Brock Lesnar.

He can't keep losing big matches. Even though it's Cena, I think we're in store for a Kickout-Spear-Pin-Repeat.

Winner: Roman Reigns via pin

Universal Championship Match: Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Braun Strowman

The hot internet rumor is that the WWE is angling for a Reigns/Lesnar matchup to headline Wrestlemania in 2018...you know, because it worked out so well the first time around.

Sarcasm.

The reason I brought that up is that people seem to think that Lesnar is likely to win this match in order to keep the Universal title on Reigns or Lesnar, to preserve the title matchup. That's not necessary though; we saw the WWE title move around several times last year in order to serve various storylines. The Wyatt/Orton storyline was ultimately a disaster, but that was going to happen regardless of the WWE title because Orton is utterly checked-out.

All that said, I still expect Lesnar to come out on top. The "main" titles generally don't get moved around without a good reason, and there's no good reason to take the belt off of Lesnar here. Braun can still be a monster without the belt, and in fact, his story becomes more interesting if he's unable to win the title on his own. He could start looking for a manager, or allies, etc. And while I'd prefer for Strowman to win, so that we could get the belt on the show every week, this isn't about what I want to happen. It's about what I predict. That's my pick.

Winner: Brock Lesnar via pin

WWE Power Rankings

Because I'm stuck at work during Summerslam, and because I haven't written anything in a while, and because I love lists, I'm gonna do an off-the-cuff "power rankings" of the top male superstars in WWE. I'm going to hold off on including anyone from NXT, because while I'm sure Bobby Roode deserves to be ranked, I'm less certain about anyone else, and I don't want to speak about a subject that I don't feel like I have all the information I'd need.

The basic logic for this is what I think of their "championship trajectory" for the next 18 months or so. Current title-holders will be credited for their current titles. For the purposes of these rankings, I'm assuming the following:

- RAW titles > Smackdown titles > 205 Live titles
- Universal Title > Intercontinental Title > RAW Tag Titles
- WWE Title > US Title > Smackdown Tag Titles

Reverse order, because drama.

25. Rusev - This slot was initially Bray Wyatt, but honestly, Wyatt is pretty much nowhere right now. Rusev isn't much better, but he at least is active. I wish Jinder hadn't stolen all of his "evil foreigner" mustard.

24. Breezango - People forget this, but Tyler Breeze and Fandango aren't just jokers. They can put on some great matches. At some point I have to think the WWE will want to get them back in the ring with more frequency, and I think they'll make their way into the title picture as the tag division evolves.

23. Akira Tozawa - I mean he's the Cruiserweight champion now. Can't completely dismiss that, even though the Cruiserweight title isn't terribly important.

22. Sami Zayn - Right now he doesn't feel close, but he's a great performer and is still over with the fans. A brief reign as US champion could be useful for him.

21. The Usos - Somebody's gotta be Smackdown tag champions. You'll see what I think of the New Day later, but the Usos will likely be one of the top two tag teams in Smackdown for a long, long time.

20. Baron Corbin - A week ago, Corbin would've been 5-10 slots higher, but dropping the MITB briefcase is a massive blow. I could see the WWE doing a whole loose cannon/redemption angle, and Corbin not getting another legitimate title shot until Wrestlemania or later.

19. Neville - I don't think Neville will win back his Cruiserweight title tonight, and I don't think he should. He's an excellent performer and makes good heel promos. Time to elevate him to a real title.

18. Randy Orton - It's certainly possible that Orton finds himself in another title match or ten, but the whole Mahal program has sapped so much of his steam. Probably I'm underestimating him, and overestimating the WWE's ability to read their fans, but I think Orton's trending down.

17. Jinder Mahal - If he is a champion for more than 6 hours of the next 18 months, it's a colossal waste of the WWE's title picture. But this is a company that's already given him three months as champion, so clearly he's going to get some more gold.

16. Finn Balor - His only real issue is that the top of the RAW roster is four massive physical specimens. Beating Bray tonight will help (which is a virtual certainty), but he's still going to look overmatched against someone like Lesnar or Strowman. Might be better suited for an IC title reign.

15. The Hardy Boyz - I have zero idea where the Hardys are headed. I feel like they and the company would benefit from shipping one of them over to Smackdown; Jeff could feud with Rollins or Styles going into Survivor Series and give us a match we've never seen to look forward to.

14. Big Cass - I'm not impressed, but he's been obliterating Enzo every week for like two months, and pummeling the Big Show a fair amount as well. It's obvious he's got an upward trajectory.

13. Braun Strowman - Braun is almost certain to hold the Universal Championship sometime over the next six months. How long that title reign is remains to be seen, but if he doesn't win the championship soon, his whole rivalry with Roman Reigns will feel like a waste.

12. The Miz - I'm convinced that the WWE wants The Miz to break Jericho's record number of Intercontinental title reigns. So I expect him to lose it and win it again at least twice over the next 18 months. That puts him about here on the list.

11. Samoa Joe - If I thought his character would settle for the Intercontinental Championship, I'd rate Joe higher. But he seems like a "Universal Title or bust" sort of character, and that's just a harder nut to crack. He's a great heel and a decent in-ring performer, though, so the chance is there.

10. Shinsuke Nakamura - He's very, very over. I'm not sure if he'll win the title from Jinder Mahal tonight, but clearly the WWE title can reasonably be won by an unproven commodity, since Jinder was like 3-41 when he got his title shot.

9. The New Day - It's starting to feel like the New Day needs to split up. I would've done the split up at the post-Wrestlemania "Superstar Shake-up," and immediately thrown them into programs for individual titles. All three are great performers, good on the mic, and believable champions. What are you waiting for??

8. Sheamus & Cesaro - The current tag champions (until like 9:00 PM tonight, according to most predictions), Sheamus and Cesaro actually have been a pretty great tag team in my opinion. They're both solid workers...okay, Sheamus is solid and Cesaro is incredible. If the team ever splits up, I'd put plenty of money on both of them holding gold again.

7. Dean Ambrose - I think he and Seth Rollins will probably win the tag titles at Summerslam, but it seems a trend in the wrong direction for Dean. I'm sure he'll be in the mix for some gold, but I'm really uncertain what WWE Creative has planned for him.

6. Kevin Owens - The prize fighter fights for prizes. He's an incredible mic guy, draws insane heat especially from young fans, and puts on great, GREAT matches. He's gonna be all over the title scene.

5. Seth Rollins - Something feels odd about the whole "Shield reunification" angle he's got going with Dean, and I really don't expect it to last very long. Rollins puts on phenomenal matches, and is a great heel on the mic. Take one guess how I expect Rollins/Ambrose to pan out as a tag team.

4. Brock Lesnar - He's been surprisingly present at RAW over the past couple months, and while I'm still not a fan of his part-time nature, I fully expect him to be in the title hunt whenever he's around.

3. Roman Reigns - I find him pretty boring, but it's obvious that the WWE has no intention of slowing down the Roman train. He'll be fighting for titles for the next ten years.

2. John Cena - He gets plenty of boos, but he's also probably the most popular active wrestler in the WWE. He's a huge name, he still puts on great matches, and when he's in a main event, you buy into it. For a company that's had Jinder Mahal in two main events this year, that's not nothing.

1. A.J. Styles - A.J. Styles should be in every main event on every big four pay-per-view. He's the best entertainer in the company, and there are still so many great matches that we haven't seen out of him yet because he's still pretty fresh to the WWE world. He's over with everyone, and he deserves to be.

Top Five Wrestling Finishers

I got into a disagreement with my good friend James about the quality of a few different wrestling finishing moves, which prompted me to write this article. James, feel free to comment with your various counter-arguments, but I don't expect to be changing my opinion.

5. Figure Four Leg-Lock

I'm a guy who likes submission holds more than a lot of people do. I was a big fan of Dean Malenko's Texas Cloverleaf finisher, and I liked when Sting or Owen Hart hooked the Scorpion Deathlock/Sharpshooter. Not Bret Hart, that guy was a bum.

The Figure Four, though, was the best one. Part of it was that it was executed by Ric Flair, one of my favorite all-time wrestlers and one of the best villains in the game. Another part was that the two wrestlers involved could see each other's faces, talk trash, rake each other's eyes, etc. You've also got the ability to grab the ropes and "cheat" to get more pressure. It creates a ton of potential results, including, of course, a submission.

4. DDT

It says a lot that Jake the Snake Roberts managed to take a fairly common move and make it his own finisher. His execution of it was flawless. It's also one of those out-of-nowhere moves that I love (as you'll read); any time a match could be decided in the blink of an eye, your attention is heightened. I've watched probably a hundred matches of Jake's over the years, and plenty of them ended suddenly when Jake pulled off a DDT.

The same move has been twisted around a couple dozen times into various other finishers: Mick Foley's double-arm DDT, the Scorpion Death Drop, etc. But nobody does it quite like the Snake.

3. Clothesline from Hell

Ask any passive wrestling fan to name a few wrestling moves, and the first few they name will probably be (in no particular order): body slam, suplex, clothesline. There are plenty of suplexes that get used as finishers, but none that really sing as being noticeably better than other suplexes.

But when Bradshaw/JBL did his Clothesline from Hell...well, holy shit, it was good.

Something about Bradshaw's height, his body shape, and his execution just made the Clothesline from Hell a thing of beauty. It also worked great as a tag-team finisher, because his tag partners could always do something to set up a clothesline. It's great in that it's fast, it's super-violent, and it's easy to appreciate. I'm delighted that JBL had a run as a title-holder, so that everyone got to appreciate his finisher as much as I already did.

FYI, Luke Harper does a similar move in today's WWE, if you're interested.

2. Stone Cold Stunner

This move basically drove the entire Attitude Era of the WWF. The pop off of a Stunner was always great, but when someone like Vince McMahon or Bret Hart was on the receiving end, the crowd was electric. As with the DDT, the quickness of the move made it an amazing story-driver, not to mention a great finisher for long, back-and-forth matches. But when you add Stone Cold's character to the move, it's an incredible combo.

I do think, though, what made people enjoy it as much as anything was the fact that Stone Cold was always using the Stunner on Vince McMahon, his "boss." The WWF/E loved selling this point, and people ate it up.

1. Diamond Cutter/RKO

When I first really got into wrestling, Diamond Dallas Page was one of the biggest stars in WCW. The nWo had just really hit its stride, and DDP was a foil to all of their plans. This absolutely would not have worked without the Diamond Cutter. It's insanely fast, and takes zero time to set up. That instant explosion was the perfect counter to the nWo's swarming nature. Then, when Randy Orton came around and started using the RKO, I recognized it as what was already my favorite move. Surprise surprise, the rest of the world also appreciated it. Search YouTube for "RKO" and you'll see what I mean.

That's my list. I imagine I'll be fighting a lot of you on the figure-four, and I can appreciate that it's not for everybody. But it's unquestionably one of my favorites.

As for the other four? Well, I wouldn't understand anyone who doesn't like those moves.

Bottom Five WWF/WWE Entrance Themes

After doing my whole article on the best entrance themes, I decided that all that time spent researching should go towards at least one other blog post. And, because there have been some really unexceptional entrance themes in the history of wrestling, this was the most logical second effort.

As I mentioned in the top five post, WCW had a plethora of bad entrance themes. But that organization's general weakness helped to prevent any of their themes to be noticeably worse than the others. So while I don't think much of Ric Flair's or Glacier's or Dean Malenko's theme, they weren't conspicuously worse than the other themes you'd hear while watching Monday Nitro.

The WWF/WWE, however, has had some great themes, and by contrast, some really, really bad ones. Here are the five that in my experience have stood out as just terrible.

Honorable Mention: Right to Censor

I'm not going to put up a link to this "song" because A) it's miserable, and B) it's not really a song. It's just a bunch of alarms. It made sense thematically, but it was just brutal to listen to. I don't know who signed off on playing that 1-2 times a night, but they should've been fired.


5. The Shield/Roman Reigns



The Shield's version is slightly less appealing, but they're essentially the same song. The song has no rhythm, no excitement, and no flavor at all. Reigns also still has the gimmick of coming to the ring through the crowd, which is equally stupid. It wasn't cool when it was The Sandman, it wasn't cool when it was Raven and the Flock, it's just not an interesting move. In today's wrestling world, we should be able to demand a higher standard of quality when it comes to entrance music. It's not offensive, but it's bad.

4. Earthquake



I wouldn't have even thought that this was truly a "song," but when I check out the WWE soundtracks on Spotify, right there is Earthquake. It's basically just a slow march with rumbles around it. Unexciting and just not good.

3. Edge



I don't know what was wrong with Edge's initial theme song where they felt they had to change it. It wasn't amazing, but it was solid, and most importantly, it didn't sound like noise garbage. I'm sure some other people enjoy this theme, just as I'm sure some people enjoy this kind of thrash metal, but I am not one of them.

2. Billy Gunn "Ass Man"



This was during the WWE's period of trying to push the envelope sexually, with the premiere of the Divas as a regular part of the show, Val Venis who apparently came to professional wrestling by way of hardcore pornography, and as the counter, the above-mentioned Right to Censor. Billy Gunn's gimmick was an odd twist on "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn where...well no actually, Gunn was basically the same, it was just a weird, ill-fitting song. The tune itself is boring, with a particularly irrelevant beginning. No pop at all.

1. Rey Mysterio



Mysterio's theme song sounds like a nine-year-old kid put it together. The opening, which in wrestling is perhaps the most important aspect, is just completely dorky and dumb. I don't even know if the rest of the song is that bad; the beginning just kills me. That Mysterio was as popular as he was for as long as he was is a testament to the excitement of his wrestling style; he accomplished it in spite of having a terrible, terrible song.

Top 10 WWF/WWE Entrance Themes: #5-#1

Last time, we covered #6-#10 on my list of all-time best wrestling entrances. Technically I didn't put WCW in the title, but that's because WCW never had any good music. That's not my fault; that's on them. I also didn't put TNA or ECW in the title, but I've never seen any of either of them, so I have no excitement at any of that music.

Anyways, less about what's not on the list, and more about what is on it. Here are my five favorite entrance themes of all time.

5. The British Bulldog


So I made a small concession from the "rules" I laid out at the beginning. Obviously Rule, Brittania! is not a song created especially for the WWE. However, I've been unable to find a version of the song that has as much pace and drum as the wrestling entrance song does. So, I'm denoting this song as unique, and allowing it on my list.

Which is good, because some of my strongest positive memories are from my younger days when the Bulldog was at his height. Maybe the best pop in WWE history was for the British Bulldog when he made his way down the aisle at Summerslam 1992 at Wembley Stadium. The song has a victorious, "good guy" tone, and when you're a kid watching wrestling, that's what you like.

4. The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase and Money, Inc.


The laugh at the beginning is absolutely priceless, and the fact that Dibiase "sings" his creedo over the music is brilliant. "Everybody's got a price!" The tune is good, and it's got that old wrestling feel to it, reminiscent a simpler time, when good guys were good guys and bad guys were bad guys.

My favorite tag team back in the day was the Natural Disasters, and they feuded heavily with Money Inc, so I learned to hate this song. Now that I'm grown and I can appreciate how great those villains were, I find the song delightful.

3. Triple H (The Game)


It's taken a long time for me to get into any of Triple H's music. First he had that prissy tea-drinking music, and that was obviously not much fun. He then moved to DX, and while that was a bit better, it still wasn't quite my style. He later used the "Cerebral Assassin" theme, which sounded odd and grating; obviously I wasn't a fan.

He finally landed on The Game, and a mere fifteen years into his professional wrestling career, I think he's finally found the right theme song. It's got a big pop (as you may remember, that's huge in my book), it's heavy, and it fits great as a soundtrack for a march to the ring. I watched this year's Royal Rumble, and seeing Triple H stomp towards the ring to this song had an epic feel to it.

2. John Cena



I actually missed most of the John Cena era in professional wrestling. The majority of my exposure to Cena and his music has been through YouTube, video games, and my occasional run through all previous Royal Rumbles on DailyMotion (this has happened more than once). But every time I've seen him make his entrance to this song, the pop in the crowd has been unbelievable. The opening builds great, and the song itself is great. The song actually kind of needs the crowd sounds surrounding it for full effect (which is why I chose the clip above), but it's awesome either way.

1. Hulk Hogan



It's pretty unfair that Hogan is at the top of this list, but the truth is the truth. There's never been a guy who consistently gets the level of pop at his music that Hogan does. He was the dominant figure in wrestling for 15 years, and every time his (WWF) music played, the crowd went crazy. It turns out he's a little bit crazy in real life, and maybe not the hero that he was in the ring, but he'll always be The Real American in our hearts and minds.

Top 10 WWF/WWE Entrance Themes: #10-#6

There are a few things in sports/entertainment that just seem like the coolest home-team experiences ever. Baseball has hitting a walk-off home run or striking out a guy to end the game. In football, returning a punt or kickoff for a touchdown is electric. An overtime goal in hockey makes the home crowd explode.

Professional wrestling has always tried to capture this feeling a couple times every week through two main methods. The first is through surprise wins like the small package or quick roll-ups. These are especially effective in title matches, and can be a launching pad for a great rivalry (see the entire career of the 1-2-3 Kid).

The other way is through judicious use of entrance themes. Some high-heat heels are outnumbering and pummeling a weaker opponent, and then a big-time face's entrance theme pops and he runs down the ramp and intervenes, to the delight of the fans.

The first type of moment relies on an interesting scenario and maybe a fun rivalry. But the second type only needs great music and a good wrestler. I've always loved a great entrance theme, and since I'm back blogging again, it's a great topic.

A couple of rules I set for myself:

1. I eliminated songs that I recognized before they were entrance themes. This eliminates, for example, CM Punk's use of Cult of Personality (even though it was such a ridiculously awesome fit). This also bumps the Macho Man's Pomp and Circumstance from the list.
2. I tried my best to set aside the quality of the wrestler. This wasn't totally possible, since some of that electricity comes from the crowd's reaction. But for example, The Rock's theme song is bland, so while the crowd loves him and cheers loudly upon hearing his music, his song won't be on this list either.
3. It's a subjective list. Some people will tell you the DX theme is a must-have on the list. I just didn't like it much, so it's not here. This is truly "my" list, not an attempt at a universal "correct" list.

And now, the list.

10. Matt Hardy


I actually really like Matt Hardy's theme music, probably higher than my 10th favorite entrance theme. But my WWF-watching experience only included the very beginning of Matt Hardy's career. So my personal experience of watching matches and being excited about the sound of Hardy's music is pretty limited. But the song is boss, starts fast, and stays loud.

9. Undertaker (original)


There's something to be said about the classics. There have been some twists on the Undertaker's music over the year. I enjoyed the Ministry of Darkness style (though the random Latin or whatever was a little over-the-top). His biker music was less my thing. But the original is always great, a memory of a younger WWF. The bell tolling is still a wonderful interruption that serves as the pop you need out of an entrance theme.

8. Jeff Jarrett


Jeff Jarrett's music has that perfect balance of attitude, fun, and volume. As is the case with most of my favorite entrance songs, it starts hard and fast. Long buildups are dangerous, because you lose the pop when the guy comes running out to save a tag-team partner or interrupt an interview. Jarrett did just fine in both regards.

7. Chris Jericho (Y2J)


I'll be honest, I wasn't the biggest Chris Jericho fan at the beginning. He feuded with Dean Malenko back in his WCW days, one of my favorite grapplers, and you weren't supposed to like him, so I didn't. He moved to the WWF and continued his cocky attitude, so I continued to dislike him. But with some time, and a couple of face/heel turns, I've come to appreciate Jericho's charisma immensely.

And now that I've got some distance from his younger days, I can really appreciate his entrance music. It's got such a head-bouncing beat that you can't help but appreciate it. And when they use the countdown, get outta here. That's half of the fun of the Royal Rumble, and you get it over and over when Jericho wrestles. Good stuff.

6. JBL


I've always been a fan of the theme songs that aren't just some rock song. JBL moved from a terrible song as a member of The Acolytes to an awesome deep country celebration that smacks of the old TV show Dallas. And if you've got any questions about JBL's validity as a heavyweight champion and not just a goofy placeholder, listen to that heat. Anybody the fans hate that much deserves the gold.

Initially I was going to include all ten on this post, but I've noticed that when a webpage loads a lot of embedded YouTube clips, it tends to suffer, sometimes substantially. So I'll do another post finishing out the rest of the top ten. Look for it soon!