WWE Royal Rumble 2018 Predictions

Ahh, the Rumble. From the first time I ever saw it, it's been my favorite wrestling pay-per-view. The drama is fantastic, the matches are always full of action, and since like 1998, you get to hear 30 entrance songs in one match, which is basically the whole reason I watch wrestling in the first place.

After watching NXT Takeover Philadelphia tonight (which was fantastic as usual), I'm ready to make predictions for what will no doubt be a disappointment top-to-bottom in this year's WWE Royal Rumble. The Rumble match itself has a lot of possible stuff to predict, so I'll use some of the scoresheet categories from one of my favorite podcasts, What's Wrong With Wrestling.

Here we go!

RAW Tag Team Championship Match - Seth Rollins and Jason Jordan (c) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro

In-ring, these guys are all really accomplished performers. Sheamus is probably the weakest of the four, but even he can put on a good match, and the rest are exceptional entertainers in the ring. I'm looking forward to the match, even though the build-up has been ho-hum.

I'd be surprised if this match ended clean, but I think in order to set up Wrestlemania season, you need the tag team titles on a true "tag team." Maybe that happens later, but since I do expect Rollins and Jordan to lose the titles between now and March, I'll just predict it here.

My prediction: Sheamus via pinfall over Rollins

SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable

I think with the XFL's recent announcement and how Vince McMahon is selling it as a family-oriented product, and how the WWE has been PG-rated content for a while, the WWE is probably pretty pissed at Jey Uso for his DWI arrest. The most frequent punishment for misbehavior is to have the performer's on-air character get time off, but you can't do that if the Usos are tag team champions.

So, naturally, that means Benjamin and Gable ought to win this match. It's also like their tenth try at the titles, so for the love of god, let's get them the titles. It can also set up a really awkward backstage segment later in the night where Gable runs up to Jordan and says, "Dude, look! I won the tag titles!...oh...right...sorry dude..."

My prediction: Shelton Benjamin via pinfall over Jey Uso

Universal Title Triple Threat Match: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kane

I would looooove if they found a way to give Kane the Universal title here, but there's really just no chance of that. The most likely result is that Kane takes the fall for Lesnar, with the second-most-likely result being Strowman pinning Kane for the title. The chances of the WWE putting Kane over on either of the other two guys is infinitesimal.

I think Lesnar is most likely to retain the title through Wrestlemania, since it looks like their plan all year has been to set up Roman Reigns versus Brock Lesnar at Mania. It's possible there's some roundabout adjustments, where Lesnar loses to Strowman, then Strowman loses it to Lesnar or Reigns at Elimination Chamber, meaning you can still have Lesnar and Reigns fight for the title as the main event.

Still, most likely result is most likely.

My prediction: Brock Lesnar via pinfall over Kane

WWE Title Handicap Match: A.J. Styles (c) versus Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

What a weird match. The insanity of trying to figure out what would happen if Sami and Kevin win makes me wish that happens. If it happens, SmackDown will be a must-see event, which to me is a great reason to do that. But I think usually stuff like this is an indicator of some haphazard planning, with the knowledge that they'll just have the champion retain so they don't have to figure out what happens in the weird circumstance.

So I expect Styles to pull out the win.

My prediction: A.J. Styles via pinfall over Sami Zayn

Women's Royal Rumble Match

I expect it to not be nearly as good as a men's Royal Rumble, just based on the logistics of smaller people having more trouble going over the top rope with natural movement. So I think we'll get a lot of the women sort of noticeably "throwing themselves" over the top rope. Still, there are enough good workers that the actual in-ring competition should be fun.

The smart money is on Asuka, as it seems like everything is setting up for her to be in the premier women's match at Wrestlemania. But that's putting a lot of eggs into the basket of someone whose English is still unexceptional. I think the WWE is more interested in playing it safe here, and they'll go with one of the most reliable, well-liked, and talented women they've got under contract: Becky Lynch. Asuka can get screwed over by another competitor to set up her own rivalry moving forward.

Longest time in match: Sasha Banks
Final four competitors: Nikki Cross, Bayley, Becky Lynch, Nikki Bella
Winner: Becky Lynch

Men's Royal Rumble Match

The big mamma jamma, the main event, the Royal Rumble. I have such high hopes, as always; hopefully they're not misplaced.

I'd love to be surprised by something amazing like Chris Jericho winning the Rumble, but I don't think that's likely. The most likely result, again, is something that works to set up one of the two matches built up so far for Wrestlemania: Styles v. Nakamura or Reigns v. Lesnar. That means the two most likely victors are Nakamura and Reigns.

I go back and forth on it. Nakamura has certainly put in his time and his losses, losing his title matches against Jinder Mahal. But Reigns is just so obviously going to be in the main event once again at Wrestlemania, he's just an easy pick.

I'm gonna go off the board, since I can't pick between those two guys, and pick a guy who could win any match, any night: John Cena. You can definitely work him into any main event feud, he's as popular as he's ever been, and he's taken some lumps this year. He could use a lift, and if he eliminates Roman to win, he'll even get some more cheers than usual.

Longest time in match: The Miz
Final four competitors: The Miz, Roman Reigns, John Cena, Rusev
Winner: John Cena

Please, please, please be a good show.

Survivor Series

Hey everyone, sorry about not getting predictions or recaps up for Survivor Series. I was fighting a miserable cold and honestly it completely just slipped my mind. We'll get back on the wagon for Clash of Champions.

WWE TLC 2017 Results

So obviously there was a big change-up in two of the matches at TLC, inserting AJ Styles and Kurt Angle for Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns, respectively. I had a really shitty and busy weekend, and I gave it some thought and decided I wouldn't change my prediction based on the changes anyways, so I didn't post any updates.

Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox (Pre-Show)

My prediction: Fox via pin
Result: Banks via submission

Not that I care a whole lot, but I still think this was a waste of a match. You don't need to add a random win over Alicia Fox to convince me that Sasha Banks is really good. A six-day feud is just unnecessary.

Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann vs. The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher

My prediction: Kendrick and Gallagher
Result: Alexander and Swann via pin

This match was fine. I picked it incorrectly, but again, my level of caring was just zero. Another situation where a manager would do a ton to give us some story substance. I think the biggest problem with 205 Live is that it gives potential managers a lot of space to go not be managers. And the WWE could really use some managers.

Emma vs. Asuka

My prediction: Asuka via submission
Result: Asuka via submission

Duh.

Raw Women's Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Mickie James

My prediction: Alexa Bliss via pin
Result: Alexa Bliss via pin

I love how Alexa manages to win these matches basically "clean," but always with some kind of tainting that makes you remember she's a heel. This time it was a fakeout begging off that let her lure Mickie into a turnbuckle smash and her finisher DDT. She's one of the best-booked heels in the company right now.

Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kalisto (c) vs. Enzo Amore

My prediction: Amore via pin
Result: Amore via pin

Kind of an old school "dirty" win for the heel, a thumb to the eye while the ref wasn't looking and then a finisher for the 1-2-3. I'm okay with it. Not sure what the cruiserweight division has to offer going forward, but they stand a better chance of being interesting with Enzo than with Kalisto as the champ.

WTF Match: Finn Balor/The Demon King vs. Bray Wyatt/Sister Abigail A.J. Styles

My prediction: Pain...and I guess Balor via pin
Result: Balor via pin

Look, maybe Wyatt would have won against Balor according to the original script. But there's no way they were going to book Styles with no buildup as being the first person to beat "The Demon King" version of Finn Balor.

Styles and Balor put on a pretty decent albeit very vanilla match. Would've liked to see more substance to it, but I understand that a guy flying across the globe and jumping in at the last second is probably not ready to give a match-of-the-year performance.

Only thing I'd add is that, in how the match played out, it felt like a waste of one of those first-ever "dream matches." Oh well.

The Shield (minus Reigns, plus Kurt Angle) vs. The Miz, Sheamus, Cesaro, Braun Strowman, and Kane

My prediction: The Shield via pin
Result: The Shield via pin

Adding Kurt Angle at the last minute didn't make the match less of a mess, that's for sure. I'd be interested to know how the match was originally booked, but my guess is that Angle filled Reigns' role pretty much to the letter. It seems like a situation where they would've sent Roman out via some big bump, had him return mid-match, just to continue conditioning people to cheer when they hear Roman's music.

The pop for Angle's music was definitely bigger than Reigns' would have been, though. And look, it was great to see Kurt in the ring again. He's so charismatic, so entertaining, and obviously still can get around pretty well. If that's his last ever match, he did it well.

Overall: 5/7 (71% correct)

As I said, I had a shitty weekend. My dog had surgery on Friday, and we really don't know if it was truly successful, or how long he has. So my head wasn't really in the PPV, and I can't say for sure how I felt about it. Probably I'll never be able to look at it objectively, because of all the emotions I've got associated with it now.

But in my current mentality, it was okay. I didn't like that we had so little in the way of story advancement, with all of the big players confined to 1.5 matches (and Lesnar obviously not on the show, because reasons). The matches were okay. And the main event, while a train wreck, was moderately entertaining. Good to see that Kane still can acquit himself pretty well in the ring. That guy's an all-time great.

Here's hoping Survivor Series gives us more story to work with (doubtful), and that my dog makes a full recovery. If I have to choose between them, though, Survivor Series can suck an egg.

Hang in there Franklin.

WWE Hell in a Cell 2017 Results

For as ho-hum as No Mercy was, Hell in a Cell was actually a really, really good pay-per-view. While we still didn't get a ton in the way of story advancement, stuff did happen, and most of the matches were really entertaining. I'd say it was the best event the WWE has put on all year.

And that's not just because I had a lot of correct predictions.  :)

Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin vs. The Hype Bros

My prediction: Gable and Benjamin via pin
Result: Gable and Benjamin via pin

Decent match, though nothing really happened. But that's what you usually get on the pre-show. I will say that Gable and Benjamin are starting to show some more chemistry, which I do appreciate. I wish they had an actual tag team name, but if they're entertaining I can get over it (see: Sheamus and Cesaro).

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

My prediction: Orton via RKOOUTTANOWHERE
Result: Orton via RKOOUTTANOWHERE

God, they gotta do something with Rusev. He's just so entertaining, such a great heel even during the match. His whole style, his crowd interactions, everything screams that he should have gotten the push that Jinder Mahal got. Frustrating.

Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match in Hell in a Cell: The New Day (c) vs. The Usos

My prediction: The Usos via pin
Result: The Usos via pin

This match was phenomenal. They had a bunch of great spots, the workers are great, they were creative and explosive. Hopefully this opens up The New Day for some singles competition as well, as it feels like a waste to have three great workers condensed into a single match every month.

Smackdown Women's Championship: Natalya (c) vs. Charlotte

My prediction: Charlotte via submission
Result: Charlotte via disqualification

I don't find Natalya all that entertaining to watch, and this match wasn't any exception. It wasn't a bad match or anything, just didn't feel like it had the excitement of a title match. That it ended in a DQ was fine with me; extending the strife between these two is okay, and you want Charlotte to stay strong. She doesn't need to take a loss to Natty, even a clean one.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode

My prediction: Ziggler via pin (dirty)
Result: Roode via pin

My first incorrect winner, but I'm okay with it. It set off a continuation of the feud, which is fine with these two accomplished workers. I also absolutely loved Ziggler's 80s heel entrance. I was just thinking that a no-music entrance would be a cool throwback, and while he wasn't the wrestler who came to mind, Ziggler ran with it perfectly.

I mean, of course he did. He's Dolph freakin' Ziggler.

United States Title Match: A.J. Styles (c) vs. Baron Corbin (vs. Tye Dillinger)

My prediction: Corbin via pin
Result: Corbin via pin

This was actually a really well-crafted match. During the pre-show, Dillinger chatted his way into the match after showing he beat Corbin on Smackdown, adding some last-minute excitement. Then for the finish, Styles hit his finisher on Dillinger but Corbin shoved him off and stole the pinfall. It worked out well for everyone.

And now that Styles lost his rematch on Smackdown, he can get out of the U.S. Title picture and into the WWE championship scene.

WWE Championship Match: Jinder Mahal (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

My prediction: Nakamura via pin
Result: Mahal via pin

Mahal was about a C- in this match, which is considerably better than he's been in all of his other matches. It still wasn't good, but it was a bit better than usual. They probably could've afforded to drag out the ending a little more; if the Kinshasa is supposed to be a true finisher, an extra four seconds for Charles Robinson to get back in the ring shouldn't be the difference between a pin or a fail.

Anywho, overall the match was fine, probably bottom three on the night though, which isn't what you want out of your premier title. Hopefully something good is coming.

Hell in a Cell Match: Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

My prediction: Owens via pin
Result: Owens via pin

Remember how I said my expectations were high for this match? Well, consider them met. Owens is such a great, animated competitor, his matches always seem to have so much meaning for his character.

The whole sequence where he sets Shane up on the table and tries to psyche himself up to jump off the cell onto him was just brilliant. Then when Shane climbed the cage and they executed a bunch of moves on top of the cell, even though they were on the same section and you knew it wouldn't break, there was always the worry that something would go horribly wrong. It was well-executed drama.

Then, finally, FINALLY, they had a PPV match end with some questions about what's going to happen next. The insertion of Sami Zayn to save Owens and then plop him on top of Shane for the win was a great way to refresh Sami's character and generate buzz for Smackdown.

Overall: 6/8 (75% correct)

Even though this PPV was fairly predictable (and really any non-mark should've gotten Roode and Mahal correct), it was immensely entertaining. Great matches, good story progression, good setups for future feuds, it was all there. It's no coincidence that the better brand seems to be the one with Kevin Owens on it. The man is just incredible at his job. And A.J. Styles is probably the best in-ring wrestler in the company.

RAW has The Shield again. So...I guess that's cool.

Good luck at TLC.