The Year That Will Be...2012

In all likelihood, if you're reading this post, you read my recent post summarizing my 2011. In re-reading it, I noticed that the blog might've come across slightly more negatively than I intended. While 2011 was by no means a rousing success, it certainly had its bright spots. Some I'm happy to talk about, some I'd rather not talk about, and a few I can't really remember. But enough that I should probably look back on the year a little more fondly than I do. And maybe, from a farther vantage point (aka in the future), I will.

But for today, we'll look into the near future, and make plans for 2012. Not concrete plans (though I did cash in on my concrete plans to visit Disney World last week), but a variety of..."intentions." I won't call them resolutions, because I feel like resolutions are either too vague (eat better, exercise more, be less of a racist asshole) or too easily dismissed as impossible after six weeks (see the previous list). I like the word "intentions," because it captures my sentiments. I intend to do these things.

What things, you ask? I'm not telling.

Not now, at least. I have written them down, and I even created a little worksheet for myself to track some of them. But some of them are too personal, and some are irrelevant to most of you. Most of all, though, I've found that I rely far too heavily on other people for my happiness. Involving other people right from the get-go just sets me up for disappointment, when I don't get two dozen emails and comments regarding my list.

But, because I like living in the limelight, I'll give you a little glimpse into my list of intentions. If you're looking for "train a team of guinea pigs to row a tiny boat" though, you may be disappointed.

- I am hoping to get myself back on the fitness train. I had a real nice first half of the year in 2011, but I undid way too much of that good work over the second half. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to try to find a way to get myself back on that horse.
- Similarly, the first half of last year I spent a lot of time working on creating a board game. I even had a test playthrough of the rough draft. The playthrough was informative, though it ended up with me deciding that the concept had to be split into two different games. My goal this year is to finish one of those games.
- I also want to be more social this year. I have a couple different concepts on how to make that happen which I won't go into, but the general idea is to get out more and do more.

Whether or not I'll be successful at these and my other, private or uninteresting goals remains to be seen, but no matter what, I hope to have an enjoyable and productive 2012, and I wish the same for all of you.

Also I hope the world doesn't end.

Pizza

Listen. I like pizza. If you've spent any time with me at mealtime over the past few years, you know that I have a slight tendency to default to pizza. It's a decent enough meal with plenty of potential variety, it's pretty clean most of the time, and most people like it.

The problem is, pizza isn't very diet-friendly. Well, that's not fair to pizza. Pizza, like almost any food, can be diet-friendly when enjoyed in moderation. But most of the time that you eat pizza, you get a whole pie, and eat several slices, and boom, 1400 calories. Since I'm on a diet, that's a "bad" idea.

Enter Boboli. I bought a couple crusts the other day, and the calorie numbers look manageable. I made a "white" pizza the other day, the whole pizza was 1080 calories. It had shredded Parmesan cheese, butter, garlic salt, oregano, sliced onions, and sliced red pepper. I know I can actually save a few calories by switching to a lower calorie version of cheese, maybe get the whole thing down to a thousand. And this is for the bigger crust, I think 10 or 12 inches. They've also got personal size ones, which obviously make for an even more calorie-friendly meal.

So I'm reaching out to you folks. Let's figure out some pizzas I can make. Give them names, if you like. But we're looking to make them fairly healthy, so I can keep on my weight-loss train. Lean meats are good, we can work with most cheeses, and I'm open to vegetables and fruits...except mushrooms and olives. Those are a no go fo sho.

Here, I'll start it off (please note that I have not tried these pizzas; they're just ideas. And yours can be as well):

The Jerry's Cheesesteak Pizza

• Roast beef or sliced steak
  
• Provolone cheese
• Onions
• Green peppers

The Hard Times Onion Rings Pizza

• Onions
• Light ranch dressing
• Taco seasoning
• Mozzarella cheese
  

A Fitness Challenge

For those of you interested, I've started a fitness challenge with my cousin. It's basically a head-to-head competition between us, a Biggest Loser grudge match. If you want more details, or want to follow the action, you can go to the link below:

http://psychotronvsgargantuar.blogspot.com/

I'm Psychotron, obviously.

Top 5 Best-Developed Cartoon Characters

Cartoon television shows are a larger part of today's popular culture than I think people grasp. To try to illustrate this, here's my Top 5 Best-Developed Cartoon Characters (based on my own lifetime and experiences). There's also another point I want to make on this subject, but I'll do it after the list.

5. Eric Cartman, South Park

From his hatred of hippies to his lust for authori-tah, we've seen quite a bit of what makes Cartman tick. He's been the featured character on South Park from the very beginning, always the most compelling (and funniest). He also offers the most frequent social commentaries in the show, acting as Trey Parker and Matt Stone's little political machine.

4. Peter Griffin, Family Guy

I actually think we've got a pretty good grasp on the depth of Peter Griffin; there's just not all that much there. Seth McFarlane took the concept of Homer Simpson, magnified the stupidity, and eliminated pretty much everything else. But he's got a whole mess of quotes and one of the most recognizable laughs in the world. Is it possible that Family Guy is the American version of the fake Extras TV show "When The Whistle Blows?" Think about it.

3. Marge Simpson, The Simpsons

Of course Homer Simpson is #1, but over the course of the 20+ seasons of The Simpsons, we've come to know Marge and Homer as one of the more enduring and (surprisingly) realistic couples on television. They deal with legitimate problems, albeit in wild and wacky ways, like infidelity, financial problems, gambling, alcoholism, and raising a family. Our understanding of Marge is really just in those two regards (wife and mother), but it's extensive. And while I'd pick my mom over anyone else's, you could do worse than having Marge as your mother.

2. Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Stewie has become the star of the show, offering the highest LPMs (laughs per minute) of pretty much anyone on television. But through the various experiences of Stewie, we've found more than just a baby that talks like an adult. He's dealt with a hard-swinging love/hate relationship with his mother, had a bout with alcoholism, and (sometimes) attempted to hide his homosexual tendencies. And try this on for size: the most famous gay fictional character in American culture might be a cartoon baby. So, in case you were wondering why the world thinks we're fucked up, there it is.

1. Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

He's basically got all the development that Marge has as far as a family man, but we've also seen Homer extensively in his work and social environments. Through 20+ seasons of animated mayhem, we've seen Homer in a thousand different situations. While his stupidity has ranged from childish to dense to oblivious to downright brain-dead, I'd venture to say we all feel like we know him. And although we wouldn't really want Homer as our father, we've seen his redeeming qualities and not just his flaws. Remember? The one thing he could offer Marge that other guys couldn't: complete and utter dependence. See? Redeeming.

So what's interesting about this list? All five of these people are, for the most part, physically unattractive. Three of them are fat guys. Compare that to the ratio of fat people in standard, live action television, and you'll find that fat people are either over-represented in cartoons or under-represented in live action television shows. Walk down any street in the country and you'll see that it's an under-representation.

In last summer's "The Hangover," Zach Galifianakis was often called a fat guy. He's not skinny, but he's not really all that fat either. He's just noticeably thicker than the average American actor. Ricky Gervais uses his unexceptional physique as a point of humor as well, and while he is completely unexceptional, he's not a true fatty. And of course, if you've ever seen Dan Castellaneta (voice of Homer) in real life, he's a skinny guy. People who aren't really fat are using fat jokes as if they were, and it's unfair. Get your own jokes, marginally overweight guys.

Are there successful fat actors? Of course. John Goodman is a heavyweight in both senses of the word. Jonah Hill has had an up and down beginning to his career, but he's certainly been solid. Jorge Garcia has become one of the most (only?) endearing characters on ABC's super-hit Lost. But when you look at "headliner" level actors, or even B-list actors who are the stars of their own TV shows, you'll only very rarely find heavy people. Roseanne was a particular anomaly, with a cast that was perfectly middle-America. And at least for a while, the show kicked ass, too.

I guess what I'm saying with all of this is that it seems strange that main characters in cartoons can be as fat as we want, but for live action shows, the main characters had better wear medium shirts. I wouldn't mind seeing an overweight main character/hero sometime, Hollywood.

Twenty for Thirty Update - 2/16

So it's been a month and a half, and I've converted two of the easier goals from my list:

2) Move out of my mom's house.

This was in the works before the list was even released, but it was still one of the things I wanted to do this year. Living at home has its perks, but getting out of my mom's house has far more perks. I'm hoping that, by getting out of the house and living much closer to my work, I can use this as a jumping off point for trying to lose weight (through complete diet control) and having a successful party.

18) Host a Joe and Joe trivia show.

As I had mentioned, this has been in the works for a while, so it was nice to finally get it done. You can listen here; the show is just under an hour, and I think it's one of our best shows yet at Joe and Joe Sports. In fact, one of the contestants, my cousin Michael, had such a fun time doing the show that he has taken it upon himself to arrange the next baseball trivia show. Success!

Twenty for Thirty - The List

Alright, you may remember that a while ago, I talked about my plans for the 30th year of my life, and how I wanted to set some goddamn goals. Well, mission accomplished. On setting the goals, that is. I still have a long way to go before actually completing them.

I've grouped them based on some arbitrary headings, to help you (and more so myself) keep them organized.

Finances

1) Buy a car. (New, old, whatever, just purchase a vehicle to replace my current one)
2) Move out of my mom's house. (I'm actually fairly close to getting this one accomplished)
3) Make $500 doing something besides my job. (Switching jobs doesn't count)

Social Activities

4) Do something very embarrassing for other people's enjoyment, and laugh it off.
5) Host a party with 25+ people, 10+ girls. (This will probably be helped by the moving out)
6) Participate as a member of an organized sports team. (Coaching is acceptable)
7) Make a new friend.
8) Reconnect with an old friend.
9) Have a romantic kiss on New Year's Eve. (I've never done this; sad, right?)

Fitness

10) Weigh 250 pounds. (For those of you unfamiliar with me, that would constitute losing a lot of weight)
11) Bench press 200 pounds. (I don't know how much I can bench press now, but 200 seems enough to be a goal)
12) Go an entire week without drinking any caffeinated beverage. (We'll say Monday AM to Monday AM)

Creation

13) Design a board game or card game.
14) Complete a first draft of an entire book. (Because I've got the first chapter of nine different books written)
15) Make a movie. (I'm leaving this open to include a big movie, a series of episodes or webisodes, or something else I haven't thought of yet)
16) Write and record a song.
17) Record a CD with 10+ tracks. (Original content not required, but I could knock out two of the twenty if I were to write a song for it)
18) Host a Joe and Joe trivia show. (I've been trying to do this for years; it shouldn't be as hard as it's been to get it together)

Celebrity

19) Get mentioned in local news. (The medium is irrelevant; TV, newspaper, Internet, they're all fine)
20) Have a 60+ second conversation with a celebrity. (I'm not sure where I'll draw the line on celebrity, but I figure I'll know it if it happens)

Well, that's the list. If/when I accomplish any of the goals, don't worry, you'll hear about it.