In looking over this card, I'm having some regrets about starting up this whole "do a prediction blog for each PPV" policy. TLC looks to be a really, really, really bad pay-per-view.
The Universal, Intercontinental, and Raw Tag Team titles are all not being defended, which dramatically reduces the amount of excitement surrounding the card. When that happens, the other matches have to pick up the slack; Wyatt/Balor V and a 5-on-3 meaningless main event do not pick up said slack.
This is a pay-per-view that really would've benefited from a random Brock Lesnar title defense, but we don't even get that. This is gonna be bad.
Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox (Pre-Show)
I can't really bring myself to care about this match. I think Fox wins dirty, under the assumption that they hope this to be just the beginning of a feud. Also because heels always win the pre-show matches.
My prediction: Fox via pin
Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann vs. The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher
I have to admit, I'm completely out of the loop when it comes to the cruiserweight feuds outside of the stuff that gets pushed on Raw. I like Jack Gallagher as a heel, and Kendrick has always been a really skilled performer. Swann and Alexander can put on decent matches too.
When in doubt on a Raw PPV, pick the heels.
My prediction: Kendrick and Gallagher
Emma vs. Asuka
With great writing and incredible work, Emma could win this match and keep the Asuka hype train moving, but the great writing doesn't exist in the current WWE. There's a non-zero chance they try it anyways, but my money is on the easy story here.
My prediction: Asuka via submission
Raw Women's Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Mickie James
Hard to say what's going to happen here. Initially I thought this was just a filler feud to set up for Bliss vs. Asuka, but the buildup has been effective at convincing me Mickie has a shot. Of course, now that I've become aware that the buildup is what's convincing me that Mickie has a shot, I'm back to my original viewpoint.
Yeah. Yeah that makes the most sense.
My prediction: Alexa Bliss via pin
Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kalisto (c) vs. Enzo Amore
As an aside, if Neville doesn't return to the WWE, it'll be another blow to an already unexciting cruiserweight division. It's a shame because the talent is there for a really exceptional division to exist, between Neville and Austin Aries, Akira Tozawa, Gallagher, Kendrick, and yes Enzo.
I remember being excited about cruiserweight matches back in the late 90s in WCW, with guys like Chris Jericho, Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio Jr., etc. There's no reason you couldn't hit that same height when you're the only game in town.
Alright, back to this match. I feel like Enzo is likely to reclaim the title, no doubt through nefarious means. Maybe he puts together a small stable of heels who he "pays" to ensure his victory. Or maybe he wins on his own with something like his victory over Neville. Something predictable but useful.
My prediction: Amore via pin
WTF Match: Finn Balor/The Demon King vs. Bray Wyatt/Sister Abigail
I'm so pissed off at this "feud." I don't know why they dislike each other, I don't know what the premise is supposed to be with these alter-egos, I don't know why the one question left for Bray Wyatt would be answered with "it's just me in a dress." It feels like they didn't know what to do with Balor or Wyatt, so they just threw some terrible Hollywood director at the feud and figured it would get worked out.
Oh, which is exactly what happened with Wyatt and Orton earlier this year, with that bizarre projected bug ring at Wrestlemania and then the terrible House of Horrors match. I'm horrified to say it, but I wonder if Wyatt has some input on these miserable storylines.
Or maybe the deal was, "Okay, we'll let you win the title at Elimination Chamber, but then you have to let my idiot nephew Todd write all your stories the rest of the year." And Bray says, "Sure, how bad could they be?"
My prediction: Pain...and I guess Balor via pin
The Shield vs. The Miz, Sheamus, Cesaro, Braun Strowman, and Kane
Speaking of WTF. Why would you throw these five people together, and ignore the fact that The Miz already had a stable? Why would you book a 5-versus-3 match? Why did Kane come back? Why does TLC have the IC and Tag title holders in a non-title quasi-handicap match with random other folks?
WHAT THE F.
I think this match will be effectively a "no contest" in the end. This whole deal smacks of outside interference (Bo Dallas? Curtis Axel?), surprise returns (Samoa Joe? The Undertaker?), turns (Kane? Reigns?), and utter nonsense (everything WWE). But the WWE doesn't go with the "sports entertainment finish" these days, so I'll say that at the end, The Shield gets the victory, as they have three main-event-caliber wrestlers, and their opponents have 1.5 (Braun and sort of The Miz).
My prediction: The Shield via pin
My expectations were high for Hell In A Cell, and they were met and exceeded. My expectations for TLC are ridiculously low. I'm worried that they might not even be met.
I guess you never know.
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