One Good Point (Movie) - Darkman

I remember seeing commercials for Darkman ages ago, except I think they were commercials for the associated Nintendo game. I never played the game, nor did I watch the movie, until now!

Ehh.

Look, you can abide a certain amount of cheesiness or inconsistency from older movies (although Jaws is fucking tight). The film-making world of today offers different sensibilities, different styles, and obviously vastly improved CGI and effects options. Some movies age better than others, and that's understandable. But Darkman has a few other issues to go along with that.

First, the good. As Peyton Westlake, Liam Neeson does a good job, when given lines that sound like something a person might ever say. And I thought Frances McDormand was quite good as the love interest. I also liked the premise of the movie in general: a "superhero" but one who mostly follows the same laws of physics as everybody else, and a protagonist whose first instincts upon getting powers are A) check on the love of my life, and B) fuck up the people who fucked me up.

But the actual execution of the movie just doesn't land for me. Part of it is that I think I just don't like what Sam Raimi puts on the movie screen. I've watched a fair amount of his work, the best of which (according to other people) includes Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, and I just don't get it. I'm aware that other people like this content, but I just cannot get behind the dialogue in any of these films. It feels so janky and unnatural.

Watch this opening scene from Darkman. It's got five minutes of the most non-human conversation I've ever seen in my life. It's as if the script was written by aliens who are trying to approximate a human conversation, with all the believability of a goo monster writing lines.

The effects are old, and look old, but that's fine, that happens. And in the end, the actual beats of the story are satisfying, and the action is decent. I'm not explicitly upset that I watched the movie, which is a low bar, but hey, it's better than Anaconda.

Anaconda was so bad.

If you'd like to watch Darkman right now, and prove to yourself that Sam Raimi is a genius and Joe doesn't know what he's talking about, click here to check JustWatch and find out where you can stream it today!