So this year, I'm going to make a bold prediction about each team, or a player on that team. Some will be bolder than others, naturally. But I'm posting this as a record for all to see, so that you may either laud my precognition or laugh at my foolishness come October.
Baltimore Orioles - Jonathan Schoop will hit 30 home runs, but he'll still have his name mispronounced regularly.
Boston Red Sox - All of the Red Sox' changes will appear to pay off from a statistical standpoint, but inexplicably won't be reflected in the win-loss columns. Boston will be out of the playoff mix by August.
New York Yankees - The Yankees will start off hot, and sometime before May 31st, there'll be a prominent story somewhere talking about how Derek Jeter was holding back the Yankees in his final years.
Tampa Bay Rays - Evan Longoria will the finest season of his career, but he won't be able to help the Rays stay out of last place.
Toronto Blue Jays - A Blue Jay will hit 50 home runs in 2015. I can't get more specific than that, but they have so much power in their lineup that someone is bound to go off.
Chicago White Sox - Jose Abreu won't lead the team in home runs, but he will be the team's highest vote-getter for MVP.
Cleveland Indians - The Indians will be the only team in baseball to get single-digit home runs from their combined first basemen.
Detroit Tigers - Everything will go wrong this year (it's already starting with Victor Martinez's surgery), and Detroit will finish second-to-last in the AL Central.
Kansas City Royals - The Royals will hit, but the rotation will crumble like a saltine in a blender. They'll try Wade Davis in the rotation. It'll work out well, and he'll be a sexy fantasy pick next year.
Minnesota Twins - The Twins will finish last in the division, but things will look up towards the end of the season as prospects acquit themselves well.
The "California" Angels - The Angels will break through and win the West going away, and two starting pitchers will receive votes for the Cy Young award, though neither will win. They'll lose in the World Series because Huston Street will be injured.
Houston Astros - Houston's record won't be any better than they were last year, but they'll be way more fun to watch. And by that I mean their bullpen will blow thirty saves, but they'll win half of those games anyways.
Oakland Athletics - Brett Lawrie will be exactly as uninspiring as he was in Toronto, except that even fewer of his hits will leave the yard due to the spacious Oakland Coliseum. The magic will be over, and the A's will fall behind the rest of the division, for one year anyways.
Seattle Mariners - Despite the large yard, the Mariners will be one of the top home run hitting teams in the AL. Nelson Cruz will mash.
Texas Rangers - The Rangers will never get going, and Adrian Beltre will be on a different team by the end of the year.
Atlanta Braves - Freddie Freeman will hit .280 with 20 HR again. That's not the bold part, though. The bold prediction is that people will actually realize that he's simply a serviceable first baseman, and not the masher that fantasy "experts" seem to think he is.
Miami Marlins - Jose Fernandez won't pitch for the Marlins this year.
New York Mets - The Mets will have three pitchers toss 175+ strikeouts, but still won't be able to hit a lick.
Philadelphia Phillies - Despite being in obvious "rebuilding" mode, the Phillies' starting pitchers will keep them in a lot of games, and they'll be competitive for the first third of the season. Then Cliff Lee, Aaron Harang, and Carlos Ruiz will be traded, and the Phillies will be "who we thought they were."
Washington Nationals - Despite a strong lineup and one of the best starting rotations in history, the Nationals will have problems winning close games. They'll reacquire Tyler Clippard for far more than they got when they traded him away. But they'll win the World Series, so it'll be worth it.
Chicago Cubs - Jon Lester will suck this year.
Cincinnati Reds - The wheels will fall off for Billy Hamilton, but Joey Votto will flourish again, and the Reds will compete for a Wild Card berth.
Milwaukee Brewers - Jean Segura and Ryan Braun will have bounce-back years, but the rotation isn't strong enough for the Brew Crew to be serious contenders.
Pittsburgh Pirates - Between batting position, playing time, and managerial support, Gregory Polanco will be given every opportunity to succeed...and he just won't.
St. Louis Cardinals - Jason Heyward won't have the explosion that everyone seems to think he'll have, nor will Kolten Wong evolve into much more than he was last year, but it won't matter; the Cardinals will still win the division.
Arizona Diamondbacks - The D'Backs starting pitchers will have the fewest total innings of any team in history, which obviously won't bode well for the season's outlook.
Colorado Rockies - The Rockies will have two 20-20 outfielders, but neither will be Carlos Gonzalez.
Los Angeles Dodgers - Kershaw and the gang will once again dominate on the mound, but without Hanley Ramirez and Matt Kemp, the team will struggle to score runs. No playoffs this year for the boys in blue.
San Diego Padres - Kemp, Justin Upton, and Wil Myers will all flourish in San Diego. The Padres, despite playing in massive Petco Park, will score in bunches and nab a Wild Card spot.
San Francisco Giants - Joe Panik will win the NL batting title.
Yeah, I decided to go with something memorable and bananas to finish, to give you guys an easy razz you can use anytime.